Women Who Make The First Move Are….

....usually women who see what they want, and go after it. There's this misconception being spread by a particular relationship expert(I won't call names), that women who make the first move are thirsty and selling themselves short. She, like a lot of women, don't understand why a man might not be so quick to approach you. Typically women will just claim that they're "old fashioned" to justify sitting back and letting Imagemen come to them but slavery is old fashioned too; doesn't make it right. Whatever you do, don't turn into one of these, "A real man ain't scared to make the first move" types because Eharmony will be knocking on your door by age 40 when all the good men are taken.

It's not about being scared. It's about whether or not the odds are in our favor. We assess the situation and get in where we fit in which sometimes means staying out. The same way a basketball player could pull up for the jumper, but if the entire opposing team is guarding him, he'll more than likely opt out. Given that not every guy is Kobe in the 4th quarter, we don't want to ruin our chances we might have to try another time. It doesn't help if you have 20 of your girlfriends with you to multiply the hImageumiliation should you perform your best "boy bye" once the stage is yours.  You find it cute but while it boosts your ego it depletes ours. No other woman is going to want to entertain the guy who just got shot down. Imagine if you saw it happen and he came to you next.....right.

"I intimidate most men " Whoa... Slow your role. Sure, it's a comforting thought how you're so sexy, that while the strong may survive, the meek shall not inherit your earth....but chill.  Some men really don't care whether you say yes or no, they'll approach you out of sheer apathy because the part of you they really want comes a dime a dozen. The guy who's looking for that one in a million at least cares about the chance to get to know you.  Besides, it doesn't take a 'brave' man to approImageach you the same way it doesn't take a brave man to see somebody shooting at them and refuse to duck. Some dudes just have their 'give-a-shit' knob broken. That's the same guy that sees you coming out the health clinic in tears but will stop you to say, "Ay yo ma, come holla at me".

You may think it's unladylike to make the first move if you have the wrong idea about what constitutes one. The first move can be as subtle as eye contact WITHOUT looking away when you see him looking at you, or opening up a conversation with a friendly "hi". Unless all you want is sex, you shouldn't make any overly aggressive moves like buying drinks or winking. If at some point he doesn't take the lead in the moves being made, then he's just not that into you. It's not a detriment to your ambition so don't think you have to try harder because your face will hurt even more when you fall flat on it.   It's a lot of pressure on men to be mind readers and know the difference between a woman who's attracted to us or just being "flirty", but if you give us just a little hint, then we'll fly with it. But giving us a I haven't had my coffee today look when we step to you tends to clip our wings.

Also understand that by first move, I don't mean 2nd, 3rd and 20th. Chasing anyone is an absolute hell-no. Last time I checked, you could only chase something that's trying to get away. Either he wants you or he doesn't. Even if you win his game of playing hard to get, at the end of the day he'll throw it in your face that he never wanted you to begin with should you ever think about leveraging the fact that you deserve to be treated right. Instead, you want to keep the ball in your court so we still respect the fact that there's many more where we came from. Put the odds in our favor, make a subtle first move, THEN let us come to you. I'm Lance Armstrong positive this will work like a charm. Image

Thank me later.

-Derrick Jaxn

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Author: DerrickJaxn

Derrick Jaxn is a lifestyle blogger, motivational speaker, and author. He consistently delivers raw truth with a passion and can emotionally connect with anyone no matter how alone you thought you were. If you read it, there's a good chance he writes it, but you won't get it like this from anywhere else. Follow him on Twitter & Instagram @DerrickJaxn.

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16 Comments

  1. Did you just say you’re “Lance Armstrong Positive”? I think that’s my new favorite line! Lol

    You just taught me that I’ve subtly been making the first move quite often without ever realizing it. I am the make-eye-contact-across-the-room or just-say-hi-if-you-sit-too-closely type of woman. I simply thought I was flirting. So I guess I do feel comfortable and even enjoy making the first move :-). Sometimes I get so bold as to even wait until a man’s food order comes to start talking to the waiter/bartender about it because I know my seemingly confused-about-what-to-eat state will incite an invitation from the gentleman to taste his food… Conversation started… MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!! Do I have game or what lol?

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    • Lol You’re practically a pro. Quite the thinker also might I add. Confidence is sexy so keep it up. :)

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  2. I really appreciate this it opened my eyes to a lot of things thank you very much for being real enough to put it like this I don’t care for games plus like I said I am kind enough to say yay or nay plus iI opted a chance to get to know me better and I don’t put an illusion as well. Thank you

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  3. Alot of Women
    Complain about being approached
    And Turn Down every 1
    But then complain .. I cannot find a good man …
    Thru my 3 older brothers eyes
    I see .. The error in the ways of Today’s
    Woman
    Ladies .. Every1 is a prospect/potential if u Will ..
    Potential friend
    Potential enemy
    Potential lover
    Potential future
    Get off ur high horse
    Look for Qualities in some1 that u deserve
    Remember .. What u gv to a Man
    Is the Same as what he is gving U
    U play games
    U get played
    Wake up …
    Life is not a Game
    It is a Pursuit of Happiness

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  4. THATS SO TRUE. IT HAPPEN TO ME. I JUST TOLD MY SELF DONT FORGET YOUR SELF WORTH.

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  5. Your words are genuine. You remind me of Steve Harvey…giving a look.into the male perspevtive…but a softer more gentle side of reality. so far my wig is off to you…lol I want to hear what u have to say. I am married for 6 months now traveled to.Africa to claim my King( they LOVE US BIG GIRLS THERE) * HONESTLY FELT LIKE MONIQUE IN PHAT GIRLZ LOL I LOVE MY HUSBAND SOOOOO VERY MUCH..BUT AGAIN I SAY HAVE MERCY UNTO YOU. LOL

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  6. I wholeheartedly agree with this, it was right on point! I tend to be quite shy so it’s difficult for me to openly make moves on a man, but I am the eye contact queen! That has worked well in my favor. I don’t believe in breaking a mans ego when they step to me, but a snake whistle, a yo ma, or a hey shawty will get a very rude look from me. Unfortunately those are complete turnoffs and usually come from younger men who should date my daughter!

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  7. I loved it..I would always wait for the guy to make first move, even if i thought he was verysexy..neither one of us made the first move..we lost that chance..im glad i read this..thank u

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    • Hi Jeri I appreciate you reading. Feel free to have your friends take a look too :)

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  8. I really enjoyed this piece. It certainly made a lot of sense thanks for the great read.

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  9. This post definitely applies to me. I don’t know why but I’ve always been the shy type. I never approach guys first. But now I see that I may need to get out of my comfort zone a bit. Now I see that I could be losing out on potentially great guys all because of my shyness. I’m just afraid of rejection I guess thats why I never do it. But I’ll have try that. I enjoyed reading this, thanks for the post!

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