Why Your Man is Faithful To You, But You’re Still His Side Chick

Written by: Derrick Jaxn

Let's get one thing clear, there is no such thing as a main chick. If there's more than one involved, then everybody's a side; one piece is just bigger than the other.

porsha and kordellBut most women who are side chicks, aren't coming second to another woman, but rather to the fear of what could go wrong from requiring more. They say things like, "At least I got a man." No, he has you-wrapped around his finger, safely away from a man who's ready and willing to love you because you think your loyalty will change him into a better man.

You've been played so much, you feel like a man who's faithful is some kind of bonus as opposed to the bare minimum that it should be. You know you aren't happy, but being able to convince everyone else you are is enough to help you hold on a little longer. Accept your reality or change it; but you can't deny it forever.

Trust me, I get the whole down for whatever thing; you don't want to hog a man's time and attention because you're not selfish, right? But why be with someone who'll ask you hush while the game is on but can't turn his phone off while the two of you watch a movie? A man whose focus is never completely yours unless he's trying to come or he's telling you he's hungry. Answer that out loud on the first try without stuttering.0

Pay attention and you'll notice that these are the same women that will talk shit to a genuinely happy single woman with all her bills paid and money left over, then dare her to give any advice on life.

"You wish you had a man", says the miserably taken woman.

"You wish he was a man", responds the single woman with sense enough to leave that other side of the bed vacant instead of getting placeholder penis to run her miles up and eat all her groceries.

Yes you can do better, but not if you're afraid of being alone and finally doing nothing. Nothing, as in being alone on the weekend while everybody else is cuddled up. Nothing as in wishing you had someone to give you Valentine's Day candy so you could post it on Instagram. Nothing as in going to the movies in your pajamas, getting a large popcorn, and licking your fingers when you're done because you don't give a shit who's offended.

Not the kind of nothing where you stand by and wipe your brow that you're not like "all these single chicks" while your man is tricking you into feeling proud he's stuck around this long. Not the kind of nothing where you settle for the only quality time spent being in his spare time.

The fact you're willing to give it your all entitles you to more than just the bare minimum. You want creativity, effort, respect, someone who keeps himself up physically and financially so he can spoil you from time to time; not just a man who's faithful, then require that. Save the "I know my worth" speech because you're only getting paid what you're willing to charge. You've never went to McDonald's, ordered a double cheeseburger and then gave the clerk an extra 20 because of its "worth". A man is no different. Is he wrong? No. Everyone loves a good deal.

9035417434_15a6a1fd71_zHis credentials of why he's a good guy doesn't make him the good guy for you; not his education, his job, or the fact that he comes home every night. You'll always be a side chick so long as you're in love with the thought of something real while being faithful to your fantasy.

- @DerrickJaxn

If you liked this, check out my book, A Cheating Man's Heart.

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Author: DerrickJaxn

Derrick Jaxn is a lifestyle blogger, motivational speaker, and author. He consistently delivers raw truth with a passion and can emotionally connect with anyone no matter how alone you thought you were. If you read it, there's a good chance he writes it, but you won't get it like this from anywhere else. Follow him on Twitter & Instagram @DerrickJaxn.

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12 Comments

  1. “You’ve been played so much, you feel like a man who’s faithful is some kind of bonus as opposed to the bare minimum that it should be. You take comfort in your relationship title because you prioritize outward approval over inward peace. You know you aren’t happy, but being able to convince everyone else you are is enough to help you hold on a little longer. Accept your reality or change it; but you can’t deny it forever.”
    SPEAK ON IT!!! You could have stopped at that paragraph, point made, PERIOD. Keep spreading the knowledge. The truth hurts, but that doesn’t mean it should be hidden!! There were so many “ouches” and “amens” in this article that I just ended up going umm hmm!! lol I won’t go the movies in my pjs, lol but I’m damn sure will go in jeans & baseball cap, get extra butter, lick my own fingers and carry my behind home IN PEACE.

    Post a Reply
    • Yolanda, Indeed the truth does hurt; much like peroxide on a wound and in the same regard, it may just what’s needed to begin the healing. Enjoy your popcorn with extra butter. :)

      Post a Reply
  2. Very interesting article. Honestly, it seemed to have a bitter woman’s overtones to it. Let’s talk about that term side chick. If you truly go by that definition that Derrick Jackson gave then any man who is ‘busy’ in their profession or trying to have a well rounded life is therefore putting his woman to the side. I don’t agree with that.

    1) If he’s working (assuming he’s able) then he is doing what he’s suppose to do (expected to do) and sometimes that takes extra time.

    2) If he’s hanging with his boys (and its ok to give him a call as long as you aren’t calling every three hours) or has a hobby that doesn’t involve you then he’s trying to utilize space (because honestly while I love my wife she can be too damn clingy at times)

    3) If he’s hushing you during a game (Drum Corps for me….not a sports fanatic) he’s trying to enjoy it for the full effect. Kinda like my wife hushing me during Scandal. I don’t get upset, I just wait until later because usually my question or comment isn’t an emergency and doesn’t dictate an immediate answer.

    So this side chick business puts an unfair spin on things. If a man is being faithful, loves you, provides for you, and shows you affection do you really need him to be up under you at all times or are you just that insecure.

    A woman who is comfortable with herself and her singleness will be comfortable with a faithful man who is trying to make a quality for himself (and in the long run, her and their family!)

    —My Two Cents

    Post a Reply
    • Thanks for reading Cornelius,

      Your 2 cents is much appreciated but must be about a completely different article. Mine mentions nothing about a man who’s simply busy working or hanging with his boys from time to time. You’re arguing your own understanding, but not what I wrote. In fact, #3(which is the only point that comes even close to referencing what’s written) on your list doesn’t mention the second half of the point made which was “but can’t turn off his phone while the two of you watch a movie.”

      So, it’s not my definition of side chick that puts an unfair spin on things, it’s your own added context and that happens when someone is desperate for a dissenting opinion. But in no way does a man whose “focus is only completely hers when he’s trying to come or telling her he’s hungry” equate to a well-rounded life. Let’s stick to the the content of the article the same way I stuck to the content of your comment if you’re going to present your “2 cents”. Also, remember, the TV has a pause button. Before you try to enjoy it to the full effect make sure you’re loving her to the full effect because if she gets a hold of my blog she’s going to realize that there are men who will.

      -My Two Cents

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  3. Derrick,

    You are amazing. You thanked me for reading, but tore me down because I chose to go in a different direction and not reference your article to the tee. MAYBE I DID THAT ON PURPOSE!. Just because you are the writer doesn’t mean you are the only one to give advice to women.

    In fact, I would say that you sound quite offended. Was it because this article sounds likes every other rant that a lot of self serving women read and write in various magazines (Ebony, Jet, whatever) and that I stated that it was coming from a woman’s point of view. Please don’t allow yourself to take offense. You are in journalism and you’re going to get criticized, ignored, berated, or whatever so don’t act like you didn’t know it was coming. If you got offended by the “my two cents” well tough. It’s true. In fact every person that will post here is putting their two cents.

    “…you don’t want to hog a man’s time and attention because you’re not selfish, right? But why be with someone who’ll ask you hush while the game is on but can’t turn his phone off while the two of you watch a movie?”

    So in my example earlier, I mentioned a point of compromise. My wife says ‘shhh’ while she’s watching Scandal. I say ‘shhh’ when I’m watching drum corps videos. At what point did I need to bring up not turning off the phone. Maybe I didn’t bring it up because that doesn’t apply to me.

    If you read in between the lines, we are both watching Scandal and we are both watching Drum Corps live and on video. For someone that’s at the theatre and not turning off the phone it could be a case of stupidity or oversight. In either case who cares!

    Want more? Here’s more!

    “The fact you’re willing to give it your all entitles you to more than just the bare minimum. You want creativity, effort, respect, someone who keeps himself up physically and financially so he can spoil you from time to time; not just a man who’s faithful, then require that.”

    I think your usage of the term ‘require’ is just sad.

    A woman of quality won’t have to ‘require’ creativity, effort or respect. She will attract it. It’s a matter of weeding out the spoil brat who wants his milk for free vs the dairy farmer who is not only working his tail off to milk the cow, but grooms the cow, shelters the cow, gives the cow good quality grain and hay, and makes sure the cow has plenty of room to graze and run. A dairy farmer makes an investment in the cow and in turn receives great dividends. The cow does not require these things. The cow does not even expect these things, but when given these things good quality milk is produced.

    The word require indicates something that is due.
    My wife can require me to wash the dishes if she cooks a meal and vice versa. However if she had ‘required’ me to wash the dishes the first time I went to her place and had not eaten a meal I would have looked at her crazy and left.

    You may want to use ‘expectations’.

    …and to even say that a man gives a woman full attention during sex or a meal is a horrible example because the truth is, if he’s not into you the meal is getting the attention and the sex is getting the attention. The only way one human being gets 100% of attention from anyone is one on one conversation. PERIOD.

    Back to the beginning of your article.

    “…But most women who are side chicks, aren’t coming second to another woman, but rather to the fear of what could go wrong from requiring more.”

    There should be no fear. If there is fear then that woman is unsure of herself. A man who is sure of himself says what he wants and expects it. He doesn’t worry about her leaving him. Ladies, do yourself a favor. If you are in fear of expecting a good quality of life from a man then he’s not the one. This is why dating is so important. This is why living apart until marriage is so important. If you want to know how your life is going to be. Don’t go move in with him, just observe him in his natural habitat. Tell him what you want and see if he’s eager to please. If he’s not then he has just defined a small point in your relationship. If it’s a major change then good luck, because unless you can create a paradigm shift then you should expect it.

    By the way Derrick. I did show my wife this article and I read it off of a friend’s (female) Facebook page. She said that those women obviously did not expect those things from the get go because they are having to ask for it later.

    -Peace

    Post a Reply
    • Hi Cornelius,

      Thanks for the compliment. Also I didn’t tear you down, I just broke it down. I do appreciate your creativity but wanted to also acknowledge your inaccuracy. You didn’t offend me, you just were arguing with your own story you made up. You ever seen a person argue with themselves? If so, you’ll understand why I don’t feel slighted at your original comment but didn’t mind taking time to educate you on how misguided you were. That’s all.

      “Didn’t reference my article to the tee” is quite the understatement. You barely referenced it at all but this recent comment is a much better thought out analysis. I’m fine with disagreement but out of consideration I try to minimize misunderstanding so you can better present your 2 cents in the future. To me and others who know better, you look like a person who argues with themselves and hopefully I can keep you from doing that in the future because it’s not a good look. Brothers are supposed to look out for each other like that. I had a mentor do that for me at a young age; I’m simply paying it forward with you. Have a good one.

      Post a Reply
  4. “You’ll always be a side chick so long as you’re in love with the thought of something real while being faithful to your fantasy.”

    Please tell me how this makes sense. A fantasy is merely a thought. Either you’re seeing reality for what it is or you’re not.

    Maybe we live in different realities.

    By the way. I love the usage of ‘brother’. Biological brothers don’t go around giving them a title of brother, then why should we. I’ve never understood that. We’re all one race in one universe. Who needs a label or better yet a reminder. Thanks for paying it forward. Just make sure you pay knowledge from a multitude of collective perspectives and not just from a selective few.

    Post a Reply
    • “You’ll always be a side chick so long as you’re in love with the thought of something real while being faithful to your fantasy.”

      It seems the fantasy part is where your disconnect is.

      A fantasy in the context here defines what a woman wants to believe. The woman is in denial that she’s in a dead end relationship with someone unwilling to give better than C+ effort and wants to believe she’s better off with that man than alone. She’s faithful to that fantasy but she’s in love with the thought of happiness she won’t find if she stays in the situation.

      Also, blood makes you related, loyalty makes you family. My loyalty to progression makes anyone with that same goal my family (in my mind). Although slightly misguided, you come off as a forward thinker but i could be wrong. Also, what do you call your biological mother? Hopefully not by her name… But I digress.

      Post a Reply
  5. Oh wow…reading this thread; Oh my! Lol. Anyway, Derrick, I completely get and appreciate this article. Validity why? Anyone, can relate…whether it be personally or knowing parties involved in such relations (from either side). If you were to present this article 20 years from now it would still be valid. In fact, present it to an 80 year old…he or she can relate by tales of their own or of a close friend or kin. We live and we learn…some never to make the same mistake twice, some stuck on the fantasy, and some who never tire from games.

    Oh, and I love your definition of family! (mentioned to Cornelius).

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  6. I love the way u think King!

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  7. I love the encouragement u give woman to be stronger and more confident.

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  8. This article just helped me to close the door on my relationship!! Thank you! I do deserve better.

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