Why Men Don’t Want to Get Married

Written By: Derrick Jaxn

dwayne-wade-ex-wife-homless-twitter-lead-1D. Wade has finally reached a multi-million dollar settlement with his ex-wife. The ex-wife who was arrested for attempting to abduct their children and then claimed to be homeless despite the (paid for)mansion, 4 cars, and $25,000 per month  she’s gotten from Wade since the two’s split. While claiming to be homeless, there just so happened to be a close friend of hers nearby with a home-made sign describing her homelessness to anyone who may have been curious. Right.

This arguing over who gets what is nothing new, but I find the consistency of post-marital money issues interesting being that pre-nuptial agreements are so frowned upon. That’s like a parent who sees other babies wetting their underwear but refuses to buy diapers for their own child for fear they might actually need them one day.

I know, not all women are like this. Most women are just tired of putting their all into a relationship without a lawful commitment to show for it, or being abandoned for another woman without any viable tools to make a man feel their pain. They're tired of having to answer to their family and friends about why they've been so loyal and why the man has yet to "put a ring on it". But it's gotten way out of hand.

I’ve even noticed a trend of women advocating for holding out on sex until marriage. Not for religious reasons, but instead for a “Why Buy the Cow if You Get the Milk for Free” type of thing. Some even use the cover Stop giving a boyfriend husband benefits. Please understand that not having sex until marriage, whether for religious reasons or not, is by all means any woman’s right. But if you’re using your vagina to bait your man into marriage, you are pitiful at best. That’s not “thinking like a man”, that’s thinking like a woman who’d rather use sex as collateral rather than finding a man who knows her real value isn’t between her legs.

Marriage is supposed to be about professing vows before God and letting the world know it’s time to respect that couple as a legitimate family unit. However, experience is teaching men that jumping the broom is now a “Just in case you try to leave, you’ll pay” contract. Cases like the one D. Wade is dealing with makes stalling for years on end much more likely.

ImageSo how do you get a man to marry you? Stop trying. Date with a purpose, not a pressure.

By all means, tell a man what your relationship goals are. When you get on the subject of marriage and why you want it, have a better explanation than “I know my worth”. It sounds self-serving and entitling, indicative of a woman who has greater potential to end up like Wade’s estranged ex. To say that by being married, you’re aware of your worth, is to say that any woman who is single or just ‘in a relationship’ is falling short of her potential. That’s a dangerous mentality because then we make our goals about obtaining the relationship title as opposed to maintaining the healthy relationship which we see a lot of today.

Men aren’t afraid to get married because they’re immature, they’re afraid because it's been turned into a bear trap. I bet you can’t remember the last time you wanted to walk into one of those either.

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Author: DerrickJaxn

Derrick Jaxn is a lifestyle blogger, motivational speaker, and author. He consistently delivers raw truth with a passion and can emotionally connect with anyone no matter how alone you thought you were. If you read it, there's a good chance he writes it, but you won't get it like this from anywhere else. Follow him on Twitter & Instagram @DerrickJaxn.

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96 Comments

  1. Well explained…..:-) Thank you Derrick for always making sense to a touchy topic.

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    • I did the best I could. Thank you for reading. :)

      P.S. You’ve been reading my stuff for a while now. I’ve definitely noticed and I appreciate it.

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      • its good to read this it goes to show what i say all the time not every man is the same just as every women is not the same. know yourself worth not your self needs its a difference.
        great job i look forward to reading more of your work.

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  2. “Date with a purpose, not a pressure.” I’ve been saying this for years! Very well written Sir Jaxn.

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  3. You have to have self-respect before you can enter into a committed relationship with another person. How can you expect another person to respect and value you as a mate if you are willing to negotiate your own worth? The answer is that you simply cannot. I do not by any means mean the image you portray to the world. I am talking about truly respecting yourself and recognizing who you are at that moment. Who you wish to be some day is great but it is not who you are or where you are at the moment. The issue in most relationships is that one or both partners lack honesty, with themselves or their mate. From the beginning of relationships we portray the parts of us or our life that we think the other person wants to see. At some point, the real you comes out in the open. We have to stop trying to be what others want in a relationship and be honest about who we are and what we bring to the table. This honesty is what is needed in order to have a solid foundation for a relationship.

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  4. Yes, greedy ex-wives ruin it for the loyal hearted.

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    • They scare the hell out of us. lol But stay true to yourself, a man will appreciate you more for it

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  5. Thank you for helping me understand why my efforts have been in vain. Too much pressure not enough purpose

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    • That’s real. Just stick to your guns, but by no means should you have to press upon a man to take the next step. He’s already aware of what should come next and if he felt comfortable, he’d do it. If he doesn’t at a point in the relationship where you feel like he should, then nothing’s wrong with cutting your losses. I’m glad I could help.

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  6. Well Said…. Been thinking like this for the past 5 years… #Great

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  7. I’m Not the woman who wants to pressure a man into anything. I want you to want certain things with me naturally. I believe in love & marriage. I believe in the family unit. and one day, in God’s timing and blessing I hope to have that. It’s one of my very many goals I wish to achieve. I first need to make sure I’m what someone wants to marry , Not just financially, But spiritually, & mentally. I take my role as wife, very seriously & passionately. I don’t think my generation, understands and respects the institution of marriage. Most women marry for the wedding and attention, which are not a valid reason to say “I do”. Today a lot of men are barely committing to a date, and fearful of any type of commitment. I hope more women Create better standards, and then we can have more marriages and less “shacking up”

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    • The term “shacking up” really bothers me. I’ve known of a few healthy marriages that at some point were just “shacking up”. I don’t think that dictates the potential at all. Yes a woman should have her standards but if the couple isn’t a unit, where both are truly wanting the best for the other, then it won’t work. Even if you save sex, go to church, go on dates and get home before curfew. If the couple’s relationship goals aren’t the same, then the end result will be the same. More REALationships, less “relationships”.

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  8. The article should’ve been titled “Why Black Men don’t want to get married.” Women should stop having sex with men the are just dating. That is why there are so many single black moms because black men want to sleep with women and make babies but never committ. The article is ridiculous.

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    • The article is titled as it should be and far from ridiculous. Your opinion is ridiculous.

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    • Huh are you serious? Derrick made perfect sense, i truly didn’t want to reply until i read your response to his article. His article was refreshing, it made a lot of sense to me. I do see some of the things he talked about in me. Growing up my parent always teaches me no sex before marriage.As i experience life and seen what my friends had gone through in there personal life. I want to be in a relationship that we both love and respect each other. Marriage is work, does not matter what race you are. Some single mothers does not have a choice things happens for a reason.

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  9. I agree with what you’ve said, but somehow i just dont think this is the case with this woman. I think she was truly hurt, and her hurt turned to anger, and her anger turned into revenge. Once someone has hurt you to a certain point, no amount of money can ease your pain.

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    • If no amount of money can cease your pain, then why would you keep going after it? Wouldn’t you turn your focus to something else that can actually do the trick? I can see how as a female you want to empathize with a hurt woman. But she’s an adult, adults go through heartbreak all the time. Doing spiteful things is completely under her control and she’s very fitting for the example I used of what men are afraid of should things not work out.

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  10. Love it! My other half and I have been going through this. My pressuring has caused a lot of stress. In my mind not being married after 4 yrs mean I am not good enough to be a wife . Your article has explained a lot to me ! Thank you! Here to love with a purpose !

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    • It causes stress because you two aren’t on the same page. He doesn’t want to marry you. If you two were on the same page, the subject of marriage wouldn’t cause stress. I brought up the likelihood of marriage with my husband after 2 years of dating (no, we were not living together) just to see where his head was and he proposed 6 months later, on his own accord. There was no pressure or stress. Just one conversation to see if we were on the same page as to where we wanted the relationship to go.

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      • Thank you for you insight Mona…. All situation are not the same and I happy yours worked out for you. Kinda hard to judge on the outside looking in! But congrats dear!

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  11. Great post, man. You hit it right on the head. Ladies need to read this with an open mind and understand where guys are coming from at times. Not every guy is a dog. Some guys want what women want, but some women scare you to death with their outlook on life.

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    • Don’t I know it!! Won’t get me though! And guys who feel this way rarely express or know how to express it so women often times run wild thinking they’re right. lol SYKE

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  12. This hits the nail on the head. I’m actually a young woman who believes in holding off on marriage for this very reason. Pressuring men to get married is exactly what makes them not want to. Regarding financial matters though, I DO believe in pre-nups. They don’t just protect a man’s assets, they can protect a woman’s as well. While saying you don’t need one can be noble (depending on the reasoning), better safe than sorry.

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  13. Very good read, short, sweet and to the point. It’s so sad how the value and reasoning behind marriages has changed so much. There is too much focus on it being a trap to keep a man and all this pre-nup craziness. What happened to it being about love and building a family, the mighty dollar has infected everything.

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    • Marriage has only been about “love and building a family” for about 180 years. From the beginning of time through about 180 years ago, it was a business transaction whereby the female’s family attempted to merge with a wealthier or more highly respected male’s family and a dowry was paid.

      The breakdown of the modern marriage is SPECIFICALLY because we now make it about an intangible emotion; love. Truly, if we valued friends-first over sex, and building a solid foundation over rushing to the bedroom, I believe the modern marriage based on the intangible and fleeting emotion known as love might have a chance. However, we also need to stop being a self-centered society and value building relationships with our communities and friendships with our neighbors in order to feel inter-connectedness. We also need to get away from this idea that Oprah and Dr. Phil have put into our heads that we “deserve” to be happy at all times and if someone doesn’t make us happy, simply leave.

      When everyone is leaving, no one is sticking around to fight for what they have which makes one or both partners begin to build resentment for the other and with resentment comes distrust and with distrust, comes the shattering of the relationship. Remember, the grass only seems greener on the other side because you neglected to tend to your own grass. The grass on the other side will turn brown and die if you neglect that as well. We need to value each other, our relationship and water the patch of grass we have. Until we, as a society, begin to value one another again, the breakdown of marriage and the family unit will continue.

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      • Fair points made. Marriage takes the kind of work a lot of people aren’t willing to put in.

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  14. Marriage is such a huge undertaking and should be respected as such. So many use marriage to fill an insatiable void , one that no human person can fill. It would do both sexes well to pause for the right reasons before making their commitments legal.

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  15. I don’t want to get married.
    I just want to find a man in the state of Texas who is sane, kind, and knows texting, booty calls and playing hot and cold do not constitute a relationship. 😉

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  16. Love love love this…very insightful and nourishing to unanswered questions in my mind…u are the bees knees!! :)) a gentleman & a scholar to say the least!!

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  17. Great Article Sir!! I will share on facebook.

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  18. Very nice article. I’m embarrassed to say that I hadn’t heard much about you until a friend of mine liked one of your statuses on FB about being in Raleigh last week. My coworker and I decided to go and check you out and we enjoyed ourselves for the most part. Too many side conversations made it difficult to hear you! Lol. Anyway, one of the things that stuck with me is when you said that we tend to pick and choose when to use the “old school” way of thinking only when it’s convenient for us…so true! You were talking about who should pay on the first date,etc. Anyway, I enjoy reading your posts and blogs and thanks for pushing us to think outside the box!

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    • Thank you for coming. I know it was too many side conversations and for that reason I won’t be returning to that venue. Please don’t hold it against me. With a bit more mature crowd, I’m sure you’ll enjoy yourself a lot more. Thank you for coming anyway. And thank you for reading.

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  19. I enjoyed your article and I will read it a few more times, I would Love to interview you and share this with my listening audience. God Bless!
    jaxx :)

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  20. the problem tends to be that women date asbf every guy is “THE ONE”. We shouldnt let ppl or society dictate something is wrong because we r not married by a certain age. At my age of 33, my mother asked me am i prepared to be an old maid becuz no man wants a woman with 2 children, to which i responded, “You did on marriage #2” to which i left the conversation…i enjoyed the article, it made alot of sense…

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  21. A very good read and subject to write on. I feel that women have started to use “the ring” as a weapon instead of the correct purpose marriage is to be entered into. Keep it going. Your writing has been at many discussions with my friends.

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  22. I will say that I understand your article. It was very well written. I have to admit as a woman who married for the “right” reasons and did it the “right” way and still wound up divorced due to me being put in Wade’s shoes, I am extremely apprehensive on marrying again. I don’t want to be taken advantage of financially, emotionally, etc. I’m a great woman (saying this as humbly as possible. LOL), but I’ve met a number of men who are intimidated, want to compete or use me for everything I got, including my nurturing side, my freaky and adventurous side, my wealth and even how I hop right in to helping them progress in fulfilling their destiny. They just want to take, take, take and look at me side-eye when I want reciprocation as if to say “You outta be glad to have a man. Don’t you know I’m a rare commodity?” I’m thinking, man please! :-) I have healthy relationships, PEACE, and a destiny I am fulfilling everyday. I don’t want the drama, so as far as wondering why he doesn’t want to get married? I don’t have time to wonder while I’m pondering the reasons I am extra slooooooow at even considering it again. Great article. :-)

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    • I’m sure there are many women just like you who can relate. It naturally does cause some apprehension about getting married again. Thank you for reading

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  23. eh…personally I think marriage is a bear trap too lol a trap for women to be personal servants, bed maidens, cooks, maids, back rubber, etc. Nothing really changes for him, the wife is the one that has a million things added to her plate after marriage especially if there are kids too. But since money is a mans biggest concern I can see why the risk of parting with it because of a failed marriage could be scary.

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  24. Nice topic how ever, you have expressed the don’t subject now elaborate on the do subject. You have said what not to do and why one reason guys may not want to be married, but now tell us what makes a guy want to stop being scared when he finds a wonderful woman and make a move before she moves to the door and ifa guy doesn’t want to know that a woman knows her worth (church does sound a little ridiculous) then what does he want to know?

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    • It’s not that guy doesn’t want to know that a woman knows her worth, we just don’t want that to be the reason or your basis for demanding marriage. But I did state the “do” subject. Stop trying. Even some of the women commenting have said that’s what they did and it worked wonderfully. The man was proposing on his own accord. But marriage isn’t the goal, a healthy marriage is.

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  25. It is best to only be friends with men, no exchange of anything, not even fon numbers. Just a hi and by and keep it moving ladies. Be all about yourself and kids if ur a mother. Focus on U!

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    • Wow…I cannot agree with that at all. We dont need bitter women walking around.

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  26. This article assumes 2 things; that men generally have more to lose financially in marriage and that women gain the most overall benefit in marriage. Those two scenarios are fast becoming the exception rather than the rule. Women typically get a raw deal if they are employed in that financial responsibility is in most cases equal while all other responsibilities weigh more heavily on the wife. Some studies are showing that women make more and carry the financial burden in 40% of marriages now while they still handle the majority of household and family responsibility. The more money a woman makes than her hubby, the less he tends to help to try and maintain his sense of “manhood”. So while real life marriages don’t reflect statistically what you’re saying, this idea that men have more to lose is perpetuated and the average man is still hesitant to marry even though chances are he has much more to gain than a woman. Working women really break even or just get a raw deal with marriage.

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    • “Some studies show” is hardly reliable. Saying that the article assumes 2 things(which is really one) by implying men have more to lose than women is what traditionally is the case even if we do take in account what “some studies show”. That still leaves the majority of marriages being dominated financially by the male. So if the majority of marriages according to “some studies” is financially dominated by the male, how is that chances are the average man has more to gain? It sounds like your pride is speaking more than you logic which was to be expected. Your logic would tell you that there was much more to this article than a man losing his money at the end. It speaks to the entire idea of marriage being tarnished by women who want to pressure men into situations that give them little to gain by being in them. D.Wade’s wife is going after more than his money, she’s trying to ruin him, his reputation, and his career all together which is why he’s the case in point.

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      • No need for all the hostility. No pride from this end. I’m just someone (happily married, with lots of happily married friends) who stopped by your site, actually enjoyed most of your article, and shared a different perspective, which doesn’t seem to be welcome. For the sake of those interested in what’s true for most men and women and not the sensationalism of a story that doesn’t represent the norm, I think it’s important to consider things like what I mentioned before. The percentages I mentioned above are based on data from the Bureau of Labor Statistics and vary for different race groups. I think we probably agree that the benefits to children and communities that come from happy marriages are incredibly important and that we should all be doing what we can to encourage going about it the right way. Part of that is shedding light on the realities of every day marriages so that people approach and go into it prepared and with the right expectations.

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        • No hostility at all, I would’ve trashed your comment if I didn’t welcome your perspective.This is just how I talk but objectivity is fine so long as there’s a logical premise. But how can you call the “norm” something that doesn’t even represent the majority? Do you have a link to the so called Bureau Labor of Statistics stat you speak of? I gave you the benefit of the doubt that your comments came from pride but now I see your numbers are all wrong. .I saw a study that says 40% of mothers are breadwinners, not wives. In fact it says that a majority of those women are single mothers and that was a Pew study, not BLS. That same study mentions that only 30% of wives make more than husbands so wouldn’t 70% represent the majority or a norm making your 30% representing your….fantasy? And in this case, D.Wade has sole custody of both children leaving her no financial burden but herself in which she’s continuously seeking more money.

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    • Agreed. Not to mention, if the marriage should dissolve, 9/10 times the kids go with the mother, who will have more financial burden than her male co-parent even if he’s ordered to pay support. In 2013 women are increasingly making more than their spouses….

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      • In 2013 women are increasingly making more than their husbands and in 2013. Ok? That still doesn’t change that there are far more marriages where husbands are the bread winners making the article relevant to a majority of married America. Not what your pride wants you to believe. There are more people doing crack every day too but a majority of America’s not sitting around getting high.

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  27. Interesting. However, I don’t think D. Wade’s ex wife was awarded all of these things until at least a week AFTER she pulled this stunt. He was refusing to give her anything before. Although she had been with him when he was broke, when his own family put him out, and through at least one other affair. I could be wrong though

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    • According to lawyers, she had all of that beforehand as well. That stunt was just what you called it, a stunt. She was with him when he was broke and she tried to abduct their kids when he was rich. What does it count for?

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      • As a mother I can truly understand where she was coming from, with the kids. If I lost my son I’d probably do the same. That’s just a bond we have with our kids and should something happen to that bond, sometimes you go to the extreme. I don’t think she was trying to kidnap them. I think it was more of a “I’m supposed to get them at a certain time, on a certain date, and if they’re not here, I’m going to get them” kind of thing.

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        • As a parent you should also understand that there are two of you and if you agree on a way to do things, you should respect it or risk damaging your kids in the process.

          It wasn’t a “I’m supposed to get them and they’re not here” thing. It was actually a “It’s your turn to see them but I refuse to let you” kind of thing. You can empathize, I understand, but you can’t excuse all the wrong she’s done. Right is right. Period.

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  28. Dating and loving without pressure needs to be the standard for how we approach love and marriage. This no-pressure environment should go both ways. It’s not okay to “shack up” and pray that a man finds you acceptable for marriage.

    Women these days don’t know their worth, don’t know their purpose, and don’t want to work on themselves before giving the gift of their bodies to men who feel that sex should be a part of a “healthy” relationship. The pressure to give him what he wants in exchange for security IS pressure.

    At her core every woman needs to FEEL like shes worth it. Men want the comfort of a having a good woman withOUT the responsibility of showing her through his actions that she IS worth it.

    If a woman has to bring up the issue of marriage YEARS into a relationship or silently pray for it, then something is wrong and she is only a part of the problem. Being great in bed while being willing to wait for a dude to man-up should not be a pre-qualifier of being a wife.

    It’s gotten so bad that many couples just settle for decades in relationships with no legal attachments because it’s easier than declaring through a divine covenant mutual ownership and responsibility to love, honor, and protect one another.

    This article pointed out the flaws in the often gold-digging and emotionally needy women who pressure men into marriage but that’s only half the issue. What about the men who string along women for several years with false promises of forever but have no intention of committing themselves? And actually don’t expect to get pressured?!? Should women be prepared to go from man to man, looking for one who isn’t afraid of jumping into a “bear-trap”?

    Every woman should not be convinced to follow the “let it flow and it might happen mentality” because every man is not looking for his Queen. The article left me unsettled because it calls for women to rise to an improved mentality while not addressing the needed improvements in common under-developed male attitudes towards loyalty, love, and marriage.

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    • Not everything addressed to women needs to be addressed to men. That’s just like the child who sees their sibling getting a toy and automatically wants one too. There’s a ying to every yang but it’s perfectly acceptable to address women and only women for once, without letting them share the blame. Own the shortcoming, admit it needs fixing, and we’ll get to other issues in the future.

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      • Speaking on the D. Wade subject, I see a lot of people are making incorrect assumptions, perhaps revealing that they don’t know the details of what occurred.
        That being said, I think this woman made a complete FOOL of herself. So what if she was with him when he had nothing? Does that make her entitled? I’m so sick of women like this pulling the “I’m the mother of his child” crap, as if they are the only parent. I deal with cases where men are fighting to see their children while the mothers play games and I think it’s pathetic. As for Wade’s ex, she literally took it to the streets, being vindictive, but it backfired. If she WAS homeless (and clearly, with a paid for mansion), she wasn’t, it’s her own undoing. What was she doing while married to him? There is no excuse for her being broke. She was given 25,000 dollars a month, and he now has custody of the children. Legally, she now owes HIM child support. If the roles were reversed, the same women feeling sympathy for this woman would be having a field day with Wade.
        I understand she may be hurt, but it happens every day. They are DIVORCED, therefore he has no further financial obligation to her. He HAS the children, so she has no excuses for wanting his money. The time she spent making a spectacle of herself should have been spent looking for a job and being thankful that he isn’t suing HER for child support, because now, legally she owes it.

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      • You are correct. It is perfectly acceptable to address an issue to women and only women. I only ask that in doing so, you address thus issue in it’s entirety to the women you’re reaching. I never asked you to address men. The biased-opinion does not help the women who are giving their all, being his support, taking care of his home, and being the woman that he needs and still don’t get the honor of his comcommitment. Completing this article does not require you to address men at all. It requires the courage to do an honest evaluation of all the core issue(s) to why men don’t want marriage and telling women ways to overcome those issues. I’m single by choice because I’m developing me but there are plenty of women who may have been looking for a solution to the issues you did not address.

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  29. Mr. Jain~

    While I’ve been reading ur post daily on FB and keeping myself Privy to some of your interesting topics…. This is the one that I have a small (very small) lol issue with. Reason being, In my opinion as well as coming from a spiritual upbringing, saving yourself for marriage before sex Is a very good thing you must start every relationship with self-respect. I really do not feel in some cases that there are women who uses this method for marriage or to trap a guy, I just feel again in my opinion there are women as myself who were raised with values and morals and if waiting is a part of their sexual journey then I applaud women who have yet to lose their values and morals! Lastly, too date, because of the way I raised my daughter as a young single mother and the early sex lessons she’d been given at the tender age of 10 along with the graphic photos in which she says (traumatized her) she will be 21 in October and in her words she has no desire at this moment to trade in her (V-CARD) I thank God for providing the must needed tools that I needed to raise my daughter by myself…she is Pre-Med…. My African-American future Cardiac Surgeon! I just had to share that (smiling) I am stating this merely because it is a very good thing to wait for marriage! Lovingly, me…. TammyTerrell

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    • Hi Tammy,
      Don’t mind the typo. lol Thank you for reading.
      I applaud you for sticking to the values you were taught in your upbringing and kudos to your daughter as well. I have 2 of my sisters who are also well into their 20s who have chosen to abstain until marriage, one of them older than me. I don’t have a problem with any woman that waits for sex, but only if the reasons are genuine. Religion by all means is acceptable even though it wouldn’t be my personal choice to stick around which I’m entitled to as well.

      However, I must make a point. Having sex before marriage doesn’t mean you start your relationship without self-respect nor does it mean you’ve dropped all of your values and morals. There are many relationships where people had sex before marriage and are leading very healthy marriages and raising wonderful families. I’ve had plenty of sex before marriage and I’m accomplished in my own regard as I also live to inspire and help people daily. I join you in applauding your daughter for her educational achievement and pat you on the back on the back as well, but I’m willing to bet that there are more black female cardiac surgeons who had pre-marital sex than those who haven’t. My point, sex wasn’t the difference. Just in case anyone reads your comment feeling like you just told them they’re less than people they could’ve been because they had sex before marriage. Thank you for reading Tammy. :)

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      • I get it.. I got it… for you have made many valid points! Kudos to your siblings as well. I would also like to add that it’s a shame that you wouldn’t consider sticking around for someone who wants to wait for marriage before sex… after all, you could be passing up someone that God designed specifically and especially for you. Remember, good things come to those who wait and he whom findeth a good wife findeth a good thing. Just thought I convey that! :) As I previously stated – waiting until you’re married is a very good thing especially in the eyes of God so for those that are striving to walk that path of all righteousness, I say stand your ground! Stand on God’s unchanging word! Follow His commandments! Additionally, please do not confuse my reply with me passing judgement because trust and believe all of my crooked a’int hardly straight! lol – Just thought I’d share that! My daughter that I speak of I had out of “wedlock”… so no judgement here… just merely stating that it’s a very very good thing to wait – I strongly encourage it…. and trust and believe making that choice in my personal life has saved me a WHOLE OCEAN OF HEARTACHE AND PAIN!!! Making the wise decision to wait allowed me to dodge numerous bullets… So right now – I’ am #teamwait… lol – Have a blessed and productive day Derrick – Lovingly, -me :)

        P.s. Wisdom in situations such as this or these… is strongly needed – for having Godly wisdom will keep a lot of us out of so much trouble… (sexually) IJS….

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        • Christianity wisdom and Godly wisdom are two different things. I learned that from experience. Not having sex before marriage is a Christianity ideal that we’ve forged God’s signature on. And if he was mad at people for doing it, wouldn’t he prevent them from having successful and lasting marriages? I’d think so.

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  30. Sorry For the typo Mr. Jaxn……

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  31. You better speak on it sir…especially about using yourself as bait!!! Good stuff…

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  32. Never read anything that you wrote but this is a great article.I never understand why men don’t want to get married?You put it where I understood it alot better than some would put it.Thanks Mr.Jaxn.

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  33. I read the article too. I agree a lot of women just want $ and they purposefully get with men only having an intention of taking all they can. On the other hand, sometimes I do not think these men with $ really choose to date or marry the best of the women lot. It just seems from my perspective they marry superficial, shallow women who look good on the outside; eye candy they would call it, and then after they get married, act like they are going to become this consumate woman and change. The women have the kids, so they are guaranteed $ if the relationship should end. I mean $25,000 a month. I used to earn a little over that in a year.. and with it getting harder and harder for women to get alimony, they depend upon that child support to keep them in the life they want and feel entitled to have. So these men need to be more careful with these women they are marrying and they need to protect themselves. Quit having kids with these women. I just do not understand why a man with so much $ knowing there are women like this out there continue to have unprotected sex. That is like leaving the door to your safe open right outside a prison full of bank robbers. Come on use your head. (the big one) I happen to be a woman who does not want to get married. I did when I was in my early 20’s cause I wanted the fairy tale and I wanted kids and I do believe kids should have two parents. Fathers are such an important part of child rearing, but things did not work out for me that way and that was not in God’s plan for me, and so now as I am about to turn 39, I really like being single and having my own life. I do not mind having a companion to do things with and spend time and share intimacy but do I want to marry someone and spend the rest of my life with the same person day in and day out and have to always be part of a set so to speak,, NO. I think marriage is way over rated and I think women are far too obsessed with getting married. Most of their energy and effort unfortunately ends with the wedding. IMO marriage is an antiquated institution and where I am in my life right now, I have no desire to be a part of that group.

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  34. Not to mention he covers the cost for her to fly to & stay in Miami on her visitation days with the boys. I wonder if she ever considered what this behavior is teaching her sons about women and how they should conduct themselves in (and out) of a relationship.

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    • Now, this is a valid point. Women who operate with dollar signs in mind tend to teach those tactics to their daughters and they teach their sons to devalue women and “buy” happiness instead of truly loving good women. It’s poisonous and creates cycles. Love it!

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  35. This is my first time reading this article, but I would have to say you explained things very well. Looking forward to reading more of your work.

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    • Marriage is your one stop to personal hell. Don’t do it. First they want a ring, then a wedding, a house, babies and then want to cry about how over stressed and tired they are, about how you don’t love her, all while she gains pound after pound withholding sex and sucking all the joy out of what is left of your life. Your pretty much just waiting on death to release you from a lifetime of financial and mental strain just to live a fairy tale that never existed. Stay single. Be Happy.

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      • This is hilarious! Mr. X….I literally laughed out loud. Please Sir, stay single. If more people who felt like you chose to stay single, this would be a much happier world. Unfortunately, so many still decide to jump the broom. Society makes you feel you have to be married in order to have kids. I say stay single and adopt. Give the 2 of you a fighting chance.

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  36. Thanks for this! It opened my eyes to a whole lot!

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  37. If he’s asking for a child and a family then he should expect to be a husband if that’s what she wants. Women give a lot when she decides to create a child. She puts her ability to focus on her own survival, and progression on hold to care for their child and her man for years. Why shouldn’t she receive some assurance from him for that sacrifice. Yes, It’s a sacrifice she’s willing to make out of love but he should make a sacrifice to if he asks that of her. Also, having a family is an investment in all aspects. Emotionally, spiritually, physically, and yes financially. There should be consequences for breaking such a promise to your family. Be it man or woman. So if you dont want marriage, man or woman, be clear in the begining and stop asking/expecting for things you aren’t ready to handle. Don’t feel entitled to a family if you don’t want to make an initial investment in one unless its agreed upon from the beginning.

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  38. Regarding divorce_ In my opinion – there are just SOME things WE shouldn’t even HAVE to discuss! Like CHILD SUPPORT! These men think once they sever the tie that bonds they are exempt from having to provide for the kids financially! It’s a bunch of BS and they wanna stick the sole responsibility of raising and providing for the kids on the woman! They should be ashamed of themselves.

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  39. A very insightful piece. Well said, my brother!

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  40. Hmm. I’m not sure I agree on this one. I know their are greedy, angry & just mean women out there. But there is also a court of law and in the non celebrity world things don’t always work out as it did in the situation described. If a man and woman marry and have children there are mutual responsibilities. Not always, but most often the woman has stayed home with the babies so she’s a few steps behind to begin with, she supported the family in that way. Not always, but most often in a divorce the woman keeps the kids and soooo often the father will write them off. It’s a huge problem in America and a million reports & studies have been done on it. But they were married, why should be get to walk away from his responsibility? I think if this whole thing was looked at as “do the things you’re supposed to do” it would be a different story.

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  41. Again, you completely missed the point which I now realize is out of bias of your own situations in the past. I said in the first sentence it isn’t all about money, please don’t forget that you just read that by the end of this comment…again. He “sent her off the edge” implies he’s completely responsible for her behavior. No. She’s an adult. If he’s responsible for his infidelity, then she’s responsible for her attempted kidnapping and antics outside on the streets. 5 million is only a drop in the bucket if you compare it to his earnings, but he also gave her a mansion, 4 cars, and paid for all of that prior to their settlement. She had all of that and claimed to be homeless. That’s the “bear trap” I was referring to. I’m sorry, do I need to repeat what I just said or did you remember my point this time?

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