Unapproachable <<<----- Is This You?

Women love to be met, but tend to neglect their responsibility to be ready. This comes from years of misguided advice from media and mentors who didn't have any more a clue than they did about how to attract the right guy. Being ready is to be approachable, not 'appealing'.

I believe it starts at the first impression. For whatever reason, it seems like women want men to surprise them with their introduction, and call it being "original". If this was a talent show, fine, but in real life a bland "Hi, how are you?" may be as genuine as it gets. Women have to stop expecting men to jump through flaming hoops reciting Shakespeare. I can see how it's convenient for women to sit back and say, "Show me what you got", but keep in mind there's very creative assholes out there. Don't make the first cuts based on the 'hello' unless it's just way left field(i.e. "Ay yo bitch" is unnacceptable). Pick up on more subtle signs that are less voluntary. For instance, where does his eyes focus in the first 2 minutes of conversation? Being up close gives us a very tempting opportunity to see better what we couldn't from a far especially when we have a hidden agenda. Knowing what too look for speaks to your priorities and therefore what kind of men are making it through your filter. Also, be careful of the subtle signals you send as well. A man with genuine intentions will do everything but run the other way when an attractive woman rolls her eyes unwelcoming his presence.

This brings me to my next point; The difference between Mr. Right approaching you and keeping his distance could also be your demeanor. Shake the whole "bad bitch" ora that you put on to prove how self-assured you are in public. You know the type; the road is her runway, nothing's cool enough for her attention, if it rained she'd drown for her nose being so high, etc. While nothing's wrong with looking and feeling great, men tend to feel more comfortable approaching women whos' heads are still on their shoulders. I've even found that some women get approached more when in their comfortable wear which could very well speak to that point. It doesn't mean he's not "man enough", but rather he doesn't need any more stress in his life. Long story short, confident not cocky is ALWAYS the way to go.

At the end of the day, it all comes down to the kind of guy you're in to. You'll always be approachable to somebody, but who do you want that to be? Hint: Mr. Right :)

-Jaxn

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Author: DerrickJaxn

Derrick Jaxn is a lifestyle blogger, motivational speaker, and author. He consistently delivers raw truth with a passion and can emotionally connect with anyone no matter how alone you thought you were. If you read it, there's a good chance he writes it, but you won't get it like this from anywhere else. Follow him on Twitter & Instagram @DerrickJaxn.

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9 Comments

  1. This is one of my favs so far! Very true statement about the comfortable attire lol…. Not sure if I agree on the unapproachable because of cockiness, maybe for some ladies.. I am far from that:) maybe lacking confidence makes you unapproachable as well…

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    • Really? That’s great, hopefully more women can relate and take something from it. I guess it’s up to personal experience but I’m always turned off by women who appear “cocky”, at least since I decided I wanted a more “friendship inside a relationship” type of connection. Other than that, men do welcome a challenge because it makes for an even better trophy….but who deserves to be a trophy?

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  2. Hopefully more women will. You give great advice!! Its actually refreshing to see a young man like yourself actually talking about issues that are worth reading relevant to women. Alot of us need to hear the brutal truth especially from a mans point of view… I sure do apprciate it :) Oh and no woman deserves to ever be a trophy but unfortunately it seems some women would rather attain wealth in this manner, but that doesn’t mean we should settle either :)

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  3. I think the whole “show me what you got” attitude is very primitive and animalistic. Its not we are all birds in some jungle where the males have to do a funky dance to get busy! :)

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    • That’s exactly what it is!! Some refer to it as “old fashioned” but a lot of women have that mentality like men are supposed to audition for them

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  4. Pardon the length:

    I can see this from multiple angles – 1) as the female who is often told that my expectations are too high, 2) as the female who is never approached at all no matter what I am wearing, 3) as the female who looks for a more genuine “Hello” than a “Wassup ma”. I am one who is very seldom approached regardless of what I am wearing (usually business casual because I am always at work). But I have been told that my demeanor comes off as someone who does not have time to play games (hence why I am single, lol) but that does not mean I am looking for someone to jump through flamming hoops to grab my attention. I think nowadays, some women are more caught up on numerous superficial items to where they set their standards to mimic the life of a celebrity not realizing that it is ok to be “ordinary” in their own right and to appreciate a good hardworking man when he appears. I will contradict myself a little by saying that I do like a man who is willing to go through a challenge as well as put on one. I am not one to believe that anything in life is obtained easily and does require some effort. One thing I am noticing in this single stage of mine, is that most people, men and women, have not grasped the concept of friendship before relationship, as you stated above. Many are looking for the tangible things of being in a relationship outside of the intangible like a genuine connection. I appreciate to know that I can refer to my mate as my best friend. Knowing that any and everything can be discussed under the sun is what helps sustain relationships; especially through the hard times. To speak on the “trophy” statement, I disagree to an extent, but only in the text in which you are using the term “trophy”. I for one, look to be and will place my mate on a pedestal of appreciation and love. To me “trophy” can mean that you admire all that there is about them that has made you love them with open arms, mind, and heart. Being a “trophy” in that aspect is what we all seek when it comes to obtaining genuine love, in my opinion. We seek someone who embraces us despite our flaws, No trophy is without flaws since the creation of man and to be able to appreciate me/them in their imperfections, is synonymous to a work of art of life living itself. Just my two cents,

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  5. So I am super late but I love this piece. I had some time to browse through your previous blog topics and this peaked my interest. This just gave me insight to some things that I need to work on while I am single. Thanks!

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