Top 20 Most Successful Lies Guys Tell

Lying is like a man's native language. We come straight out the womb speaking it fluently. Before we can even pronounce Mama or Dadda, we use our body language to tell our lies. While some of us grow out of it(partially), there are some who don't care to venture from our roots. I call them the Ain't-Shit population. They're growing in number and even making little Ain't-Shit babies to carry on their legacy. So before I someday bring a daughter into this world, I feel that it is my duty to dust off my cape for a moment. I asked thousands of women and came up with the top 20 lies(in no particular order) and put them into Ain't-Shit translation for all to understand:

1.       I miss you.

Something just randomly reminded me of you but other than that I haven't thought twice about you since last time we spoke

2.      I'm spontaneous so you just have to be down to ride.

If nothing else works out, I'd like to call you and you be available

3.       I'd rather chill than go out any day.

If I can get out of spending money by convincing you I'm a simple guy, I'll do it.

4.       I'm not like the guys in your past so don't compare me to them.

Please try to forget the BS they fed you, because I ain't got new material and I wanna feed you some more. Eat up. :)

5.       Relationship titles just complicate things.

Relationships complicate the lies I'mma have to tell you when I wanna go find other 3rlbl9females. Too much thinking. That ain't my style.

6.       I love women with natural hair and beauty.

You're going to do it anyway so I might as well get a couple cool points and pretend I care.

7.       I'm probably bout to go ahead n go to sleep.

Time for me to make my nightly rounds so my other chicks don't get mad I didn't hit them up too. Equal opportunity.

8.       I didn't see your text until just now.

I saw it, I just didn't feel like replyin at the moment but I don't want you holding it against me when I want you to come over this weekend

9.       Oh she's just a friend, something like a sister.

I tried to get at her a while back and she told me no so I'm working wit you until she comes around

10.   I'm about to go chill with my homeboys.

We all about to go recruiting to add to our roster so you can get a few teammates.

11.   I'm on my way.

 I ain't nowhere close but I'm tired of you asking me how close I am

12.   What we do is between us, I don't have people in my business.

 I ain't gone tell anybody except my homeboys who I trust, who have other people they trust, and so on. So trust me. :)

13.   I didn't hear my phone ring, it was on silent.

My phone went on silent when I saw you calling.

14.   Yeah I'm listening.

I'm trying to multi task while you talk because I'm really not that interested in what you're saying

15.   I'm just not an "on the phone" type of guy.

Texting makes it sooo much easier to talk to all my other chicks. Efficient pimpin is the key.

16.   I'm not going to judge you if we have sex sooner than later.

 I really won't judge you, it won't be long before I pretend I don't even know you. So what you waiting for?

17.    I didn't last long because it was too tight and it's been a while for me.

Look, it's a race to the finish line and I won. Ya snooze, ya lose.

18.   I'm on my way out the house now, whasup?

Just in case you were thinking about popping up unexpectedly, don't.

19.   No that tweet/status wasn't about you. You must be guilty.

That tweet was damn sure about you I just wanna be too cool to say something about it first

20.   I got serious feelings for you but I'm just not ready for a relationship.

I want you to feel like I've put in the work necessary to smash, but I don't want you to try to lock me down.

keev<---And for the guy who's making this face because I went against the G Code, maybe it's time for an old dog to learn new tricks. Evolve or dissolve.

-Derrick Jaxn

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Author: DerrickJaxn

Derrick Jaxn is a lifestyle blogger, motivational speaker, and author. He consistently delivers raw truth with a passion and can emotionally connect with anyone no matter how alone you thought you were. If you read it, there's a good chance he writes it, but you won't get it like this from anywhere else. Follow him on Twitter & Instagram @DerrickJaxn.

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55 Comments

  1. This is so disheartening :( .

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  2. Lol These really made me laugh!

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  3. Okay?! It’s about time a man told the truth! Great job Mr. Jaxn for keeping it real.

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  4. Wow I was surprised at how many of those I’ve heard!

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  5. It’s funny but also so sad :/

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  6. I have heard a lot of these lies as well. Women know that these are lies but want to believe them for their own reasons. I know I didnt find my happiness until I stopped believing them no matter what my reason.

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  7. I’ve been fed almost all of these at one point or another. I think one ex might have gone through them all. lol

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  8. Omg that’s so funny but so sad…heres another one I have heard a few guys use as well, like it even matters but, “I have NEVER masterbated in my entire life”…what?!? you have no hands or feet?!?

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    • LMAO, guys swear they don’t masturbate up until you catch them masturbating LOL

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      • They probably don’t deny it (masturbation) to one another, but they deny it to women to justify that two-minute nut. “Oh my g… I haven’t nutted in weeks. That’s why I came so fast.” Ummmm, that has to be on the top 21 lies list then.

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  9. Real talk at least someones keeping it real ive heard every single one of those lines but what a man fails to realize is not all women are the same cause while u was out doin u so was I we cool yo keep it 100 24/7 aint got no reason to lie ever not me

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  10. WOW, amazing listing.

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  11. Funny yet unfortunately so true!!

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  12. I’ve heard a lot of these…except for the natural hair thing! But you’re right…might as well like it cause these kinky curls aren’t going anywhere.

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  13. Problem is….these same guys think you are running game like they are…then they tend to get paranoid…thinking you are doing what they are…NO TIME FOR THE DRAMA!

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  14. Omg! This sounds just like a man I know
    .. This is so funny, I have to share this on my FB

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  15. Damn! Def gonna share this joint. It was painful to read. Truth hurts

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  16. Good morning!!! Just wanted to let you know that you’re awesome and in this day with society changing, we need more positive, proactive male role models like you. Reading your posts keep me encouraged.

    Keep us posted when your book comes out !!!!
    Stay blessed …

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  17. More offend than not, alot of us know all this is true. We choose to believe some because they say, “Never pass up a opportunity to fall in love.” How long you allow it is your choice. But in the world today, there are two types of relationships. One is comfortable and the other is happy. Comfortable you settle for anything because your to lazy to change it. Happy is what everyone should settle for. It should provide all your expectations of life! I really dont mean to affend anyone but what is life if your not happy?

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  18. This applies to a lot of budding relationships. Females need to realize that in order for us to expect men to adapt to our relationship requirements we have to hold ourselves to higher standards, regardless of how lonely or desperate you may be. Don’t give in to your urges and demand respect from out the gate. We need to set higher standards for ourselves BEFORE we go out into the jungle. We also need to ADHERE to those standards and live them every single day. If so many women continue to be “easy”, why would these men change anything? They have it made…Can’t get sex from this chick, on to the next one! Women complain over and over about finding “real men”. They’re out there, but what some have failed to realize is that sex is the main factor here. We stop giving it to them so easy, they start working harder to get it. Boom. 😉

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  19. At Tuskegee, my friends called me NAS… N….a Ain’t S…t” , and this is why. I’ve been lied to so much that I literally laugh men in the face as they tell their lies. It’s quite amusing, and once they’re done, I say things like “that was pretty good” or “you’re getting better at this.” An ex recently texted me with a really good lie, so I complimented him on it and then added it to my mental list of lies to lookout for.

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    • As long as you don’t mistake the Niggas for the Gentlemen you’ll be just fine… :)

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      • Oh most definitely. I’ve dated one real gentleman and I sabotaged the relationship because I wasn’t “ready.” Biggest yet best mistake I have ever made, as I will never make it again because the regret I feel from making it ensures I won’t travel back down that road of immaturity and stupidity. #LessonLearned

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    • LOL, I do that same thing. Sometimes I just look at them with a crazy face & turn my head & finish what I was doing. I get so tired of all the lies. One guy used some new ones on me that I never heard before so after like 3 weeks I gave him my number & can you believe he don’t call or text. LOL But when he see me he tells all the guys that I’m his “BABY”. Then me being me I say “I can’t be your baby if you don’t call text & we never hang out or anything else. IJS!!” LOL

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      • You know that’s your baby lol. He just sounds territorial. I “dated” a territorial man once (and I use the term “dated” very lightly). He didn’t want a relationship because he was very recently divorced (a great lie – not the divorce, but the excuse), but whenever he saw another guy talking to me, he would throw salt. It sucked because he was friends with everybody in the town so they respected his wishes. #LockedDownLol

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    • Hi Derrick! Is it possible to delete this comment? I included my real name in it and don’t want that. Thank you!

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  20. I am sorry but this is funny to me

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  21. LOL that last thing really made me laugh–the last paragragh and the picture of “the guy making this face”—youre too funny! but really…dang u reeeally put it out there. it just sucks to think i was told some of these lies. and i think my ex wants me back only so we can keep “smashing” a term he would use and id get mad because i dont like that word. but hell no! He aint never getting my sweet ass ever again. oh im going off topic. woopsie. ANYWAYssss great post. love ur blog.

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  22. This is true indeed!!! I’m glad you posted this because unfortunately I’ve heard just about every lie up there smh Its all good though because now I know how to spot a dog from a gentlemen! Thanks for posting for this. I laughed at some parts of this posts too because it was funny because all of what you’re saying is very true!!!

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  23. Only a fellow TU grad could make it sound so sweet and crush so many dreams. TU, U know!

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  24. I think it’s great how you can be honest about what some men are really about!!

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  25. I just received #1 a few minutes ago. remind you he was just at All Star weekend SMH

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  26. Wow, wow…I appreciate your straightforwardness….I just got out of a good relationship (at least I thought) that ended badly (no closure, etc.). Your blog has been extremely helpful, I am able to see things that were glaring but I didn’t recognize. Keep being transparent, it is very insightful and gives hope that gentleman (mature, accountable and loving) are not a rare sighting. My hat goes off to you :-).

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  27. Lol, that list was so funny and relatable. I know I heard about 5 of those from my ex, which is the reason he’s in the past

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  28. So real! Need to turn this into a bookmark for my friends!

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  29. Wow. Not sure how I feel after reading this but it does put in perspective to what part of a guys mind is like.

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  30. Ha! I’ve read this list before and it never gets old lol

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  31. You should do a follow up on this… give the ladies a piece of mind that there are genuine men who care out there. Top 20 things he says/does that proves he wants to keep it 100. Good Post Derrick!

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  32. I wandered over here from a post I just saw in my FB news feed.

    There is an element of “sport” about lying for some men. It is the challenge of seeing if they can get a win while playing this game. If (as a woman) you remove the game (or the need for a man to lie), the situations play out differently.

    For example, if you know a man is delivering his best verbal game because his end goal is simply to get some sex and you tell him “hey look, no need for all that lip service… I’m feeling you…you feeling me, so are we gonna do this or what?” Most often, he will not be as excited about the whole transaction because it’s not like he’s gotten away with something which was his goal. You did not let him play his hand.

    Let’s say you know he’s trying to see you and a few other ladies as well. When he makes that call to back out of plans with you saying something like his grandma on his daddy’s side just went into the hospital and you sweetly say “oh my, so sorry to hear that…hope she feels better. Its ok, we can catch up another time because I was gonna go watch the basketball game with Tony and Wes anyway at the sports bar” It defeats his feeling of getting over on you.

    All that rambling to say, I think lying is part of a bigger process for a man. The pre-wired testosterone need to have an opponent or prey. The need to play a game and win or the need to hunt and capture their prey. Lying is just a part of the game…or the hunt.

    Great article!!! Good tips for the ladies :)

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  33. yo wife gone cheat on u and your going 2 commit suicide…rip hater

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  34. This joint was soooo dead-on n sooo funny, I wanna buy a round of drinks n laugh about the clowns who actually spit this! The younger Me would have read this and sat with my lip poked out lol However, the grown Me, who sniffs bullshhh coming a mile away can lmmfbao at this and nod in agreement! This was good Derrick! Lets get wasted and laugh about it over drinks the next time you’re in Atl! -Golden

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