Written by: Derrick Jaxn
There's this term that as of late, has been run in the ground, pulled up, and run back into the ground again called "loyalty". I'm sure you've seen it a million times on Instagram/Facebook memes, or recycled tweets. We all have. But the more we use the word, the more desensitized to that actual meaning we get.
For example: The Single Boyfriend. He's in a relationship, but he doesn't want everyone in his business, so he keeps it to himself. He has a faithful girlfriend that's giving him all her trust, so he puts it to the test by staying out late, keeping his phone on silent, and having a combination lock to his laptop. Truth be told, there's some things in there he can't explain but what she doesn't know won't hurt him. Besides, if she really trusts him, it shouldn't concern her anyway.
Oh and when he's out, he's charitable with his lustful attention and likes to keep other chicks' hopes up with his wandering eyes and a few hugs that last too long. Now, technically, he's still faithful. He doesn't have any feelings for these other women, nor does he take it so far as cuddling, dates, or even sex. So in his mind, it's all good because he doesn't cross the line and his girlfriend is satisfied because he comes home to her every night. All in the interest of being secure enough with herself to not worry.
Well this is the problem with that. Even though he's being faithful in his relationship, he's still acting single. It's not that he has ill intentions so we can't induct him into the Ain't-Shit fraternity, but he has some growing up to do before his 20/20 hindsight comes a day late and a dollar short, losing him a good woman.
Acting single while in a relationship is nothing more than trying to have your cake and eat it too. You want to have a great woman at home who's willing to do anything for you, but you also value the lust of random chicks that desire you. So you give them attention that you want reciprocated, lead them on, and wash your hands with them when they want more, all the while thinking it's a testament to your faithfulness because you know just when to pull back.
But what you don't know is that every female you flirt with, and every person that sees you flirting with her, is one less person who's going to give your woman the respect she deserves for holding you down. The little things you do, the pet names you use; those are all things that a woman who loves you values. It loses value when you start sharing it with randoms. How proudly would you bring your girl around your boys if they could see her every weekend doing splits on a stripper pole?
"She shouldn't be worried about other people's opinions," Well she doesn't have a choice when you turn the negative opinions into facts.
A few years ago, I was that guy. I considered it a part of my personality to be charming and what I called "social". I was 20something years old, in college and didn't see a problem with making other girls blush so long as I didn't take things too far.
What I didn't know is that a lot of girls aren't used to being treated halfway decent. So the moment you make them feel special, only for them to later find out that you've already filled the spot they were trying out for, they're going to be proactive in making your woman feel like they do; played. Miserable girls can't stand to see you happy without them. So the next time she gets a chance to talk to your girlfriend, those innocent hugs will become "he was all over me" and the flirtacious convo will turn into "he was trying to talk to me". And at the end of the day, it'll be your fault. Because your actions weren't consistent with your relationship status. A relationship status you didn't make known from the very beginning.
An immature mind believes that "loyalty" is about whether or not you're a cheater. But someone who knows better will tell you that loyalty is about respecting your partner by the way you represent them, even when they're not around.
Being a Single Boyfriend will leave you just...single. For the girlfriend that's in every dude's face and never misses an opportunity to get in the club free before 11; yes, it goes both ways.
P.S. My book, A Cheating Man's Heart, is available now on Amazon -> http://www.amazon.com/Cheating-Mans-Heart-Derrick-Jaxn-ebook/dp/B00GPVD2US