Written by: Derrick Jaxn
Adverse feminism, or as I call it "man bashing", is the latest trend ever since Steve Harvey's "Think Like a Man, Act Like a Lady" debut. Some have realized the potential profit of appealing to women at the expense of legitimacy, and are vying for a piece of the pie.
Normally, I wouldn't care. There's all kinds of people inventing new gimmicks or manufacturing false personas for a dropped name in the hat at a chance at fame. But because a lot of these men look like me(young, black, and talking relationships), I initially get mistaken as one of them by those equally frustrated from people making a fad out of the need for female empowerment.
And it's completely crossing the line when religion is no longer off limits. Yes, these opportunists realize that if they can tie religion into their logic, they can forge God's signature on whatever it is they're feeding you. Church phrases like "Amen somebody?" and "Do I have a witness?" are some of the more popular bait to render favor among users after a flawed or biased summary of a bible verse. But after speaking with some of these guys personally who do this, "It's all just a part of the game." Sad.
Now don't get me wrong, there are some legitimate relationship experts out there. Match maker Paul C. Brunson and relationship strategist, Stephan Laboissere are just a few I have much respect for. Whether or not I agree with them, I always see passion in their efforts to help people. It's genuine and hard to explain otherwise other than the cliché "Real recognize real".
But not too long ago, there was a trending topic of #Ask***B on Twitter, in which social media users unleashed against a man who styled himself as a relationship coach. He was exposed for asking his date to pay for his dinner and in the process said very inflammatory and misogynistic things contradictory to his public persona. The mug shots that were Googled didn't help either. That tells me that the more popular this "relationship expert" fad gets, the more the grass is being cut. So if you're late to the party and not on the list, it's best you just stay at home.
"But so long as what they say is positive, it shouldn't matter."
Here's the thing. Positive energy spreading in this negative world is awesome. We need more of it. But where I have is problem is that people don't give this line of work the seriousness it deserves and there ends up being serious consequences.
For instance, if you position yourself as someone who's found their calling in that of the relationship help industry, then someone who seriously needs help in that area may rely on you. Someone on the brink of giving up, tired of dealing with a hurt they can't let go of, someone who needs hope. Your disingenuous advice could be the straw that breaks that camel's back. And instead of just telling them "Hey, I just want to quote positive things, that's it", you know that giving advice means more money, so at the expense of that person's emotional well being, you're willing to take a chance. And that's where I have a problem.
I'm all for my brothers doing well for themselves and making a living doing so, but if this is "strictly business" to you, leave it alone before you hurt someone.
"Well then what makes you so different?"
I'm no life coach, and I don't claim to be. I'm a writer. But if someone reaches out for help, I will do so. And if I can't help them, I simply refer them to someone who can. It's really not that hard.
And I don't teach women to hate or bash men, I teach them to understand us. Both the good and the bad breed. I've been writing about relationships since I was 8 years old(love songs/poetry), so this arrival of the pretend male feminist is just as disturbing to me as it is to anyone else who has good sense. I'm just one of the first to say it.