Real Men Cuddle


Written by: Derrick Jaxn

I always find it interesting when I hear guys say how they don't like cuddling because of how soft it is. The word itself has a teddy bear-ish connotation but let's look at the logic of it. A man and a woman lie next to or intertwined with each other while doing some other intimate activity like talking, watching a movie, or just relaxing. So, it's safe to say that cuddling is the foreplay of foreplay which is the warm-up to having sex, which men claim to really enjoy right?

Now, I missed the part where it's soft but maybe comparing it to more acceptable "manly" activities can help clear up the confusion. By manly, I mean with a lot of men because when guys crowd around in a tiny apartment living room, almost lapped up on the love seat to play their new Xbox game they got from Santa  while passing weed to one another(weed that's licked and sucked on by other men before it's placed on their lips), none of that violates the guy code. And then there are those who will slap each other on the ass after a good play but won't hold their lady's hand in public. But here's where it gets really weird.

Back in the day when I would go clubbing, I noticed how an R&B slow jam would come on and it literally pissed dudes off. They'd go sulk in the corner trying not to look awkward as they patiently awaited its ending, no matter how many beautiful women would be in the middle dancing with each other due to the shortage of males. But the moment Chief Keef came on, they flocked to the floor to play with each other. I was baffled, and wondered if it was something I was missing.

The truth was that allegedly heterosexual men really hadn't changed much since the elementary days of pinching a girl to tell her we liked her. If it looked cool to other guys, it took precedence to what it actually made her feel like even though at the root of it, we all wanted the same thing; her. Call women hoes and bitches, get high-fives, but the moment we get respectful and start expressing emotion we're told we're acting like Drake. If we see a group of guys, we engage in complicated hand-shakes and warm embraces with each of them, apologetic if we missed one but we can't hold our woman just because without needing to punch a wall to re-establish our masculinity.

Men have a way of condoning really dumb shit while trying to oust that which makes more sense but then wonder why women seem so complicated. So, I realized quickly that it wasn't that I wasn't good at being "manly", it's just that my definition was different.


Even if it didn't lead to sex, cuddling has always been fun if it was timed correctly(when I wasn't hungry or horny). Soft legs felt good against mine and a female's face lying on my chest just felt...right. The sex is better after cuddling and cuddling is better after sex. The only way you can go wrong is if you're just not that into the person you're cuddling with, but sex is always better with feelings involved so even that doesn't make sense.

Basically, there is nothing more masculine than a man who does what it takes to make his woman smile. If he can find a way to deal with his insecurities of being accepted by other guys, he'll see that a lot of those things will make him feel good too. Like kissing, cooking, and being a one-woman-man. And if he wants that one woman to stick around, he might as well get used to cuddling; because that's not going anywhere

- @DerrickJaxn

If you enjoyed the post, check out my new best selling book, A Cheating Man's Heart.

Related Post: The Single Boyfriend

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Author: DerrickJaxn

Derrick Jaxn is a lifestyle blogger, motivational speaker, and author. He consistently delivers raw truth with a passion and can emotionally connect with anyone no matter how alone you thought you were. If you read it, there's a good chance he writes it, but you won't get it like this from anywhere else. Follow him on Twitter & Instagram @DerrickJaxn.

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  1. I really loved the post. You are right on point when its concerning women. Wish most men think like you do. That’s the reason why I’m a proud single mother now. Don’t want and cant settle for anything less.

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  2. This is so true and yet some men will never get it.

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  3. I’ve been that way since birth… I consider myself a R&B dude. Meaning I’m the embodiment of legendary R&B songs… To me when i hear these songz.. I hear and I obey…

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  4. This is beyond on’s really sad, but oh so true. Ever since I read your blog..”The Single Boyfriend” LOVED IT!! Keep serving your destiny, & speaking truth to those willing to listen. Though it may not apply to us all, truth should always be food to your spirit! Thank you love. Oh! Getting your book as well:)

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  5. I loved this! I just wish there were more MEN with this mentality. I refuse to settle for less than I deserve. Still holding out for that man and trying to keep the faith that there is one out there for me.

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  6. Great article! Good logic

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  7. I thought cuddling was standard…you know, without thought…like our bodies are built with some type of magnetic device.. an innate desire to do so. My thoughts are that, the ones who claim not to do it or like it, are the ones who enjoy it the most. I mean who wouldn’t at some point just naturally gravitate to their ‘boo’….like in the middle of the night without thought; just while turning over. I think that it just may be the word it self…”cuddling”. And that, just for some, it may sound unacceptable; but as soon as “he” can come up with a more masculine-sounding term for it…trust, it’ll be o.k….because believe it…those men are cuddling too.
    I tell you one thing, with this winter storm in the North…it’s not only standard…it’s mandatory! Being single with having your fire place…that’s nice…and your heaters…that’s nice…electric blanket…that’s nice BUT nothing beats having that special someone to cuddle with especially in this storm! *as I go wrapped in my blanket to turn the thermastat up* :( burrr

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  8. Very interesting topic to say the least. Goes to show when you are a boy, boyish tendencies satisfy you and when you become a man… well we know those childish things go away. That’s why women need to date Men and nit settle for Boys.

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  9. This post is so true for so many men. Thx for putting it out there to let them know one of the things they need to do to keep their woman.

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