Written by: Derrick Jaxn
1. If marriage is the only God-approved way to be in a relationship, then why didn't He make a preacher when He made Adam and Eve?
2. I hear some people say marriage is important because it's when you profess your vows before God. But when do we ever do something behind His back?
3. If I tell my woman I love her and I'm in this for the long run, and she tells me she doesn't believe it until she sees a ring or "then why haven't you married me?"....doesn't that mean she trusts the ring more than she trusts me?
Those are the top three guilt trips used to pressure men into marriage before they're ready.
Why? Because the true meaning of marriage has gotten lost in translation. We think it's a way to oust commitment-phobes and for women to ascend to their proper place as a lady, but there are some very strong and beautiful women who are single by choice. And with the divorce rate so high, marriage clearly isn't the glue that keeps couples together.
She deserves to be married. He needs to marry her. What colors she picked out for the wedding. Sound familiar? That's because men are now feeling like they have to marry out of obligation, as opposed to enjoying the same bliss and pride that women have when their friends ask to see their wedding ring. Surely there are exceptions, but don't dismiss the obvious in light of those few. Divorce rates being so high are everything but a coincidence.
We get guilt tripped into marrying prematurely so the woman we love doesn't have to walk with her head down, and we don't get looked at as "not knowing her worth". It's unfair, but nobody cares until the man is doing everything he can to stay away from the house. Then he's neglecting his family and so forth. Ever seen a man getting married who let his wife handle all the decorations? It's not because decor is a womanly thing, because ask him about what's under the hood of his favorite car and he'll give you a laundry list of exacts. It's because the new aged idea of what marriage is has very little to do with a man's happiness, and more to do with his obligation to do the right thing.
What we need to realize in order to fix this:
Marriage is the celebration, NOT the actual victory. The victory is the healthy relationship you have beforehand, the trust that's built, and the bond that strengthens through hard times. The victory is being married in the heart first. Think about a running back(football player) trying to score a touchdown but instead, he spikes the ball, and does his victory dance first. Sounds stupid right? That's what forcing marriage before both partners are ready is. There are men, raised in a culture that emasculates their place as the head of the household while increasing their responsibility to commit for an eternity, who are genuinely in love and trying to crawl before they walk. But we've made it a fad to persecute them for not starting off in a full sprint.
Well how long am I supposed to wait?
See, there you go making it about you again. Instead of sitting by waiting, why not set goals as a couple. List those things that are coming between you and your celebration of marriage, lay out a plan to get through those things, and be the facilitator. It's not "settling", it's consideration that there's more to this equation than just you. Tell your girlfriends, your mom, your preacher, your baby daddy, whoever it is that's undermining your value as a faithful relationship partner because they can't recognize it without a ring to mind their own damn business(you don't have to cuss to the pastor).
Women who've bought into the BS of being validated by a man's commitment will reject everything about this post. Men who are just looking for a way to string their women along, this post isn't for you either. But for those who are in a committed relationship, and get criticized and looked down upon for not doing a victory dance when there's so much running left to do before they reach the end zone, you're welcome.