How Many Men She’s Slept With DOES Matter

Curiosity killed the cat, but more often it just ends Imageup bursting our bubble. We have a habit of asking questions we really don't want the answer to, like "Am I the best you ever had" or better yet, "So how many partners have you had before me?" But does it really even matter? I say yes it does, but particularly for women.

Double standard you say?

Why it's ok for men to sleep around but if a woman does she's a hoe? First off, it's not ok but aside from the titles, I believe there's a thin line between a double standard and structure. Roles that have been consistent since  men were expected to be the providers and women the nurturers.  In addition, women have always been expected to have more discretion with their bodies than men. You can drive through any neighborhood and find a group of shirtless dudes playing basketball, but if that same court was full of women doing the same thing you'd probably wreck your car; or find a very close parking spot(since we're being real). If a woman feels threatened by another woman, she can use violence to protect herself, but a man who does the same is a bus driver...I mean a woman beater. Now why is that considered "Just the way it should be" but a higher standard for women's discretion of their bodies a double standard? In 2013, people are challenging these roles all in the name of Only God Can Judge Me.Image

So we have little boys exploring other boys as freely as they would little girls for their first crushes, molly and birth control popping is the daily diet for teens, and we even almost had Mitt Romney as a president. I may be old fashioned, but I'd rather not try on panties to make a stance for my right to choose where my place in society could be. Basically, just because it's not written in black and white ink doesn't mean you should erase it and write whatever comes to mind. So yes I do feel that women should be a bit more guarded with their bodies regardless if men doing the exact opposite is tolerable or not. If that's a double standard then so is chivalry. Men are just "supposed" to open the door, pull out chairs, and pay the tab for dates. Let's not do away with one double standard and stop at that. Just be prepared for a world that says "anything goes" which is exactly where we're headed in case you've been under a rock.

So how does a woman's body count matter?

While it doesn't dictate her current mindset nor future wife potential, it does matter in relation to what lessons were learned and how it affects her behavior today. If she had no regard for her body as a young woman and her mindset hasn't changed any then you can proceed with your slander. Some guys feel like they have a winner because their girl is a virgin but every girl on Maury was once a virgin. Means nothing. A woman shouldn't have to lie or feel ashamed about where she's come from and defending it shouldn't be necessary either. You should have enough sense to consider the context in the way it relates to her now. The only thing we can do with our past is learn from it, so if you judge anything, judge that. Not what was, but what became of it.

-Derrick Jaxn

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Author: DerrickJaxn

Derrick Jaxn is a lifestyle blogger, motivational speaker, and author. He consistently delivers raw truth with a passion and can emotionally connect with anyone no matter how alone you thought you were. If you read it, there's a good chance he writes it, but you won't get it like this from anywhere else. Follow him on Twitter & Instagram @DerrickJaxn.

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  1. Maybe the numbers could be an issue if you are racking them up faster than a parking meter but what bothers me is when they want to know details or think they should tell me the details…I didn’t ask so take that as a hint I don’t really care about your past love life and leave it there. Sometimes it just causes unwanted fights and jealousy when its not justified. What matters is how you treat me and that you at least had the common sense to wrap it up. It only takes once to get a STD, so at least be smart.

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  2. Funny, not many replies on this . Self respect must not be popular..or maybe lost..

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  3. I like… “the only thing we can do with our learn from it”.. I won’t let it define who I am now. Not always easy to let go.. but worth the peace.

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  4. “If a woman feels threatened by another woman, she can use violence to protect herself, but a man who does the same is a bus driver…I mean a woman beater.” that was hilarious. I think you made an excellent arguement with very strong points. After reading this I started to wonder if it is possible that we can expect more from women in regards to guarding their body yet not give them harsher judgement then men for not always holding to that standard? So basically still have role structure but not a double standard in judgement.

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    • Thanks for reading Stephan. The trickiest thing is the changing times and the thin line between roles and oppression in the modern day black woman’s mind. But at the same time, I don’t let them have their cake and eat it too and that’s what many of them are trying to do. I don’t condone the extent to which the world judges, like calling them “hoes” strictly off their body count, but when compared to the same expectations men have that are equally one-sided, most would(hesitantly) agree that this unfairness and double standard provides structure for the way things should be. Basically, accept it if you want to have that power over men as well.

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  5. “While it doesn’t dictate her current mindset nor future wife potential, it does matter in relation to what lessons were learned and how it affects her behavior today. ”

    Absolutely True. I’ve said this before a million times that past experiences and situations matter only if that person understood or learned about dealings with the past. A question guys should be focused on instead of number of partners is how many long-term relationships has she been in? Is she able to deal with the full-blown maturity it takes to deal with a long term relationship.

    Part of the reason guys want to know how many guys she’s been with is partly due to pride and ego. They want to know how they compare to previous partner as far as size, length, etc.

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  6. There’s only one key that fits inside of a lock. Women need to think of it that way. We have to physically, mentally, and spiritually let someone inside of us. How emotional is that? In our quest to be Feminist we became Patriarchal by saying,”I can sleep with whomever I like.”or “I can do whatever I want.” And that defeats the entire purpose for Feminism. Feminism, in my definition, is the notion that women are people. And isn’t that a sad concept that we are still trying to grasp? So when a woman continues to objectify herself as a one night stand, we aren’t liberated but incarcerated in a fictious liberation. In 2013, I hope that we have more positive images of the Woman and really break down what the essence of a woman is. This is far deeper than a patriarchal femininity of being weak and feeble, but a balance between strong and graceful.

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  7. When I ask, its usually a barometer on how you handled yourself, and if that is an indication of future behavior. Once you get into your late 20’s -30’s you’re gonna start having Pau Gasol numbers anyway

    (even if a girl had a different monogamous boyfriend every year since age 18 she still would have slept with 12 men by age 30)

    That isn’t as bad as a girl who had 4 threesomes in college, a former porn star etc I’m concerned with how you got the numbers, not the numbers themselves

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  8. First of all this article has no structure, it was jumping back and forth from this to that like Mr. Janx was the one “popping mollys” before he wrote this. Hard to follow but what I got from it was “I can be sexist because that’s how my traditional values raised me” and “body count matters because girls who have sex with lots of men don’t respect themselves”. In the real world, women who have lots of sex for whatever reason shouldn’t be judged period. Just like you shouldn’t be judged on eating a bigmac once a week or jumping out of airplanes for thrills, a woman should be allowed to have sex. Why does she have to be celibate, in a relationship or in love to have sex? Women have JUST as many sexual needs if not more than men and should be allowed to satisfy them with another human being if she so wishes!! It is absolutely disgusting that women are portrayed as sexual objects and scoffed at if they’re conservative or “prudish” yet if they are open with their own sexuality and have sex when they desire it they are shamed. Slut-shaming is an epidemic plaguing- mostly- the traditional asswipe stuck in the 1800s. I mean if you think about it even if a woman just has on average sex with ONE guy every year until she meets her husband, starts having sex at 18 and gets married at 30 her body count will be in the double digits. And even that is unreasonable for educated women (I know girls in college who sleep with 2-3 guys a semester) In the future I PRAY that women will be confident in their bodies and not condemned for having sex with who ever she wants.

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    • Don’t confuse your inability to comprehend what you read with a lack of structure. God bless.

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