How Facebook Can Keep You Miserable…If You Let It

Written by @DerrickJaxn

Once upon a time, someone told Mark Zuckerburg that perception is reality, so he created Facebook; the facilitator of insecurity, assumptions, and all things drama. It’s cost effective if you need an irresponsible outlet for your personal business. It also makes it easier to fine tune your public perception no matter how inaccurately it depicts the real you; Yet and still, it’s convincing enough to make you believe everyone else’s facade so that you still get “addicted” to it as you’ve probably already admitted some time or another. Funny thing about Facebook is, it needs low self-esteem and a lack of role models to thrive and in America, the pickings are plentiful. Magazines of super models paved the way and “reality” TV is carrying the torch. Together, they have now formed an Avengers-like super group to make sure you remain intolerable to the imperfections that keep you from being like everyone else. Here’s how.

Pinocchio Love Stories

ImageWhether it’s the picture of a rare date night or a subliminary reference to a man that a girl pretends she has like “Cuddling with him.” Or “Can’t wait to see him today. <3” You get that feeling of ‘awe how come she has that and I don’t’, when really you don’t know what she has and of course she  knows that. I’ve seen it happen where girls will literally false advertise a relationship they don’t have just to avoid looking as lonely as they are. Besides, everybody goes through things; rarely will people stop to pose for a picture when they do. So don’t think that just because you see couples’ pics of them cross eyed making clown faces or giving piggy back rides in the park that love passed by your doorstep. You’re only going to make that great guy you do have wonder why he’s not living up to your expectations.

It may possibly be time for you to be constructively single but you can't shake the illusion that all the happy people seem to have someone to call their own.

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Pay attention to detail.....

It’s not fun dodging questions when you’re just the bridesmaid or on those lonely nights with your remote and ice cream, but that’s better than crying your eyes out because you don’t know where your man is and he’s only texting you back instead of returning your calls. Look at the bright side, it’s better to be single and alone instead of in a relationship and being faithful to a guy who treats you like shit and has sex with your best friend still lonely.

Tax Return Diddy

There’s always that one guy who stacks together his life's savings to pose for his flip phone camera picture. Why? Because maybe you’ll see it and believe it’s not his rent money that he harassed the bank teller into giving him change for so he could stunt on you. Don’t be impressed by bad priorities.Image Chances are Meek Millz is his only financial advisor and he has 6 kids that can barely get a new coat for school. The new generation of “Try So Hard Muh-fuckas Wanna Find Me” University has evolved the game to pictures of J’s, marijuana, and new outfits they’re keeping the receipt for. The faces change but the game remains the same. You just need to decide whether you’re content being the player or ready to referee.

Maury Auditions

There’s no reason why who you slept with last night or what’s going on in your relationship needs to go viral. Believe it or not, your personal profile is anything but personal. Any problem you’re having with your man should be settled with him directly and calling him out is only going to add fire to the flame, even if it makes you feel like you got your revenge for him disagreeing with you. Besides, the only people that would want to hear about your relationship troubles are glad you’re having them, so stop using a stage to hang your dirty laundry. 

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Even worse is when you “let somebody have it” through your status update hoping they see. Congratulations, you just took thumb wrestling to a whole new level. Facebook statuses are the new firearms and these drive-by’s you’re doing make you look smaller than the thumbnail of your profile picture. No man looks at a girl who does that and thinks, “Wow, I’d love to make her my wife.”

Magic Photoshop Wand

ImageA picture is worth a thousand words, and some people are compulsive liars. As a photographer, I understand the creative aspect of it and even why a professional would want that zit-free head shot. But Rosa Parks did not die so we could abuse this software to become the unrealistic version of ourselves in every mirror pic we post.

Now close your eyes and think of the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word “Beautiful”. If Halle Berry, Tyra Banks, or Nene Lekes popped up, you have a problem. Those women built their brands with professional make-up artists, hair dressers, and image consultants to present to you as their every-day selves when they don’t even brush their teeth without the help of a glam squad. When you think of “beautiful”, something about yourself should come to mind immediately, and if it doesn’t then it’s time to start training yourself to think that way. You’ll never be as good as what someone else can pretend to be, and your insecurities make themselves at home in your efforts to do so. ImageIt really doesn’t matter how pretty you are if you can only see it in someone else’s mirror and to a real man, confidence is much more attractive in the long run than any physical attribute. Give yourself that confidence through a concerted effort of loving you without the aid of a Facebook like or comment.

The point is, Facebook is meant to make you feel just a little bit less than, particularly if you indulge in it on an every few moments hourly basis. Not everyone is equipped with the maturation to handle such a freedom to be someone else, and that’s ok. Just keep yourself out of that group and recognize them when you see them. It’s tough to know when Facebook has begun infiltrating your happiness but a key indicator is when it’s your go-to for real life information on what someone’s doing or for when you need to talk to somebody about something that’s on your mind. You have to learn to be a little more responsible and stingy with your trust. You know the real you, yet you perceive the ideal version of everyone else. Keep that in proper context because while you are beautiful, it won’t even matter if your perception convinces you otherwise.

Image-Derrick Jaxn

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Author: DerrickJaxn

Derrick Jaxn is a lifestyle blogger, motivational speaker, and author. He consistently delivers raw truth with a passion and can emotionally connect with anyone no matter how alone you thought you were. If you read it, there's a good chance he writes it, but you won't get it like this from anywhere else. Follow him on Twitter & Instagram @DerrickJaxn.

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24 Comments

  1. This was a wonderful read. Your words describe exactly how I’ve been feeling about Facebook this year It started with Valentines Day. I actually stayed away from the site that whole week just so I wouldn’t have to read all the sappy comments from so called lovers who probably weren’t speaking to each other the week before….but then again I am single this year (and a little lonely) so maybe I’m just a little jaded.

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    • Nothing wrong with that, being lonely is natural when you’re alone but being fooled isn’t and you know the truth!

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  2. ” You’ll never be as good as what someone else can pretend to be, and your insecurities make themselves at home in your efforts to do so.” WOW! That says SO much Derrick! Great read.

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  3. I absolutely love this. I’ve been saying these things all along. Sadly, people need social networking sites to define who they are… It’s sad.

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    • Whether they actually need it or not is one thing, but it’s almost like a trap you walk into without looking. It starts off as one thing then ends up an entirely different story!

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  4. Wow, many great points. Thanks for the great read!

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  5. Love it! It’s sad that people go to such great lengths so that others will accept them or to feel better about themselves….keep em comin!

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    • It is sad, but it’s human nature unfortunately. Thanks for reading and I sure will!

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  6. Loved this and Im sharing it! This makes me want to just stay off Facebook. You hit it right on the head with this one and even though I already KNEW it, it took reading this article to realize how close to home it hits. Love your positive and inspiring messages, please keep it up! <3

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    • You don’t have to stay off, but it’s completely understandable why you would. Just keep everything in context when you see it so you don’t get caught up!

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  7. FANTASTIC AND SO INSIGHTFUL! JUST EXCELLENT!

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  8. I agree… I see my friends do this and I have been guilty of it a time or to… they will analyze everything on the bf/gf pages and then it becomes a battle that makes them walk away from what was a great relationship because someone posted a comment on a picture… I caught myself… then I was like you know I should be proud of what I have and if someone wants to comment then thats ok making a big deal about it only makes them see how insecure you are and then they go in for the kill… I am single now after a 5 year marriage is it hard, Yes!! But I am ok with it even when my friends say that I need to get out and meet people.. NO i dont what I need to do is focus on the things I need to fix within myself so that I can be a better person… jumping from one relationship to another only makes things that much worse and with Gods help I am hoping that even though my marriage ended that I can repair myself then work on getting my family back together… Great advice here and so true I love everything I read of yours.

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  9. This is absolutely awesome. You touched on ever necessary point. Keep it up! You provide valuable insight.

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  10. This was a great article and thank you for the picture of the beautiful, brown sista at the end. We are so underrated.

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  11. Awesome article. It kinda hits home with me because I’ve always been really shy and let Facebook be the way I talk to people instead of talking to them in person. Great insight!

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  12. Wow!!! I am super late…but glad I found this blog. Your words are so truthful and as I read I’m analyzing myself. Great Stuff!

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