He’s Just Not My “Type”

perfect guySo you're not quite the Next Top Model, but you're attractive enough so that you do have options. You're sure of what you want and refuse to settle for less but guys are either turn offs or not who they say they are. Well the problem could be in the laundry list of qualifications you expect your man to meet. "I want a bad boy, a lot of money, and that ain't afraid to put me in my place when I start talkin' crazy." That's music to an "Ain't Shit" dude's ears. Most women choose men based on the most superficial things like these but as you mature, so should your standards. Being tired of running into all the wrong guys while passing up the good guys is like hating spicy foods and drinking hot sauce. You're doing it to yourself. Mr. Right might statistically be the most average and unimpressive guy who can't make the cut because he's not 6'5 with abs and a 401k. When you define your type, it should include more than just personality and looks but also character. It doesn't matter how "fine" and "funny" a guy is, if he can't be FAITHFUL you're only hurting yourself by entertaining him.65873_576660065694957_345076575_n

What you're using to attract these guys is also directly related to who's coming your way. You don't see people throwing out catnip when they go fishing for a reason. Same thing goes for when you wear the painted on jeans or have your cleavage hitting you in the chin then tell guys it's what's on the inside that counts. We're pretty easy to confuse and that will do just the trick. You want to catch and keep the good guys, then use good guy bait; Self-respect, patience, and class.

Now if you're one of those looking for a guy by reasonable standards but they never turn out to be who they say they are, then I have a suggestion; When you're getting to know him, stop asking those Myspace ass questions about his favorite colors and start asking things he's not so used to lying about. Something like "What things did you go through that taught you the value of hard work?" or "Do you have a favorite author?" etc. Those are the kinds of questions that will show you where a man's at intellectually and with his maturity. Besides, impressing you should take more than a visit to the barbershop and a few lyrics from Drake.  If he can't take the lead on a mentally stimulating conversation, then he's showing you one of his colors and it rhymes with red flag.

Don't make it so easy on us. Observe whether or not what a man's saying is consistent with his life. He can't be telling you he's a responsible guy yet living well beyond his means because he heard it in a rap song. We have an idea on what most women are looking for so you have to put forth the effort of removing yourself from that majority. We'll either respect you more for it or remove ourselves from the situation because we know we're not on your level. It may take some lonely nights and awkward Stevie-J-Joseline-Hernandez-pimpmoments when your friends are flashing their engagement rings, but don't settle for less than you deserve. A woman who knows her worth is an "Ain't Shit" guy's worst nightmare.

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Author: DerrickJaxn

Derrick Jaxn is a lifestyle blogger, motivational speaker, and author. He consistently delivers raw truth with a passion and can emotionally connect with anyone no matter how alone you thought you were. If you read it, there's a good chance he writes it, but you won't get it like this from anywhere else. Follow him on Twitter & Instagram @DerrickJaxn.

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22 Comments

  1. You said a mouth full if truth, what an I opener. Gives you something to think about

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  2. Love this article! My Question to you is this: Why did you write? What inspire you?

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    • Just sharing my perspective hoping others could take something from it. Thanks for reading.

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      • These are words that my father have told me. I’m still single because I will l not settle for less than i’m worth. You hit it right on the target I enjoy your thoughts

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  3. Great article I agree with you 100% but my problem is I can’t seem to run into any potential guys I don’t go out often and when I do everybody assumes I’m taken … And because i do carry myself with respect ive been told keep up the strong black woman attitude as in insult I’m
    33 and all my friends around me are married and I too want to be someday… So please help me try to find some guys to come my way everybody passing me by! I don’t know where to go.

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    • Suzie if contact me using my contact form under the Talk To Me tab and we’ll see what we can do. Thanks

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  4. Love your blogs

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    • Thank you for reading! Please share with your friends, there’s more to come!

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  5. AMEN to this post! I love your honesty and how genuine it is. You don’t sugarcoat anything which is great! One thing my mama always told me is to always carry myself like a lady. I will say this I have a very strong personality. I don’t take any bull from guys. I’m still young so that means most of the guys I come across are usually between the age of 19-22. Its like whenever I meet a guy and he automatically mentions sex then I cut him off. Now I don’t know if I could be running off potentially good guys because I’m so vocal. But I’m just the type of woman who doesn’t fall for anything. What do you think?

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    • Well as long as you’re discerning what exactly is “bull”. Mention of sex doesn’t automatically mean he has a hidden agenda but you should manage the conversation to make sure you don’t dwell on the subject prematurely. Most times, a man will use that as somewhat a tester to see how you respond but he may potentially be a great catch yet and still.

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      • What I mean by bull are guys that will say any and everything just to have sex. If as soon as I meet a guy he automatically starts talking about sex then I cut him off. I understand that if I end up dating someone that sex will come up I get that. But I don’t feel the need to talk about that when I first meet a guy You know? One thing I don’t want is to be the easy woman just so a man can hit and then brag to his boys ya know? But I totally get what you’re saying, thanks for the advice!

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  6. This article speaks the truth.

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  7. Derrick, I think I may be falling in love with you lol.

    In all seriousness, I think every single lady aged 25 and above should be required to read this article as a rite of passage into womanhood. I was 25 when my “list” changed and became more substantive. I sometimes listen to my friends in disbelief when I hear their requirements of men, especially friends who have kids. It saddens me that good guys finish last, because so many former and potential good guys are ruined and become “ain’t-s**t” because no one wants to spend a lifetime in last place.

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  8. You are right Derrick….. the list does change as we get older. At my age the list is pretty short with “Breathing” at the top…..LOL….. just joking. Great article !!!!! :-)

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  9. @ Kim S.: Loved your comment! At 42, my list is definitely different than that of the 22, or even 32, version of myself.

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  10. Most MEN don’t lie about who they are. If we as REAL men do what we say & say what we do then there shouldn’t be any misunderstandings about who we are. Some women look at a person & says he’s not my type because of his so called baggage. If he’s doing what he’s suppose to be doing for you then that’s the only thing that should matter. STOP LIVING ABOVE YOUR MEANS.

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  11. You took most of the words right out of my mouth. I feel like I’m always telling someone this. Excellent piece.

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  12. I think my mental “ideal” list (of substantial qualities) differs from what my actual list is, because I tend to ignore red flags. It is something I am working on. Can you suggest more questions to ask? I really like the one about fav authors. BTW – My dad reposted this article for me, lol. Love that guy

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    • That’s awesome Lauron. Tell your dad I said thanks. But it’s not about a script of questions. The point of it was to know to dig deeper than things on the surface. Things to make a man think so that you get to the real him and so you communicate to him that you’re a thinker

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