The Quiet After the Storm

If you've ever loved someone or thought you've loved someone and it's past tense now, you should be able to relate. Relationships tend to be a difficult yet sometimes rewarding part of life. It's usually difficult to trust a person with your sanity and emotional well-being but for the chance of happily ever after, we often do. I know I did. Everything seemed to be going well on the surface. She cooked, cleaned, and all of the other little things men look for in a serious relationship. But there was so much going on behind the scenes I had no knowledge of that when it all hit the fan...well you know. It wasn't exactly bliss. All of a sudden I had a rush of emotions I didn't recognize and thoughts I was scared of. For the things I wanted to do, I even judged myself. It's almost like someone pointed up and said, "No, that's downward now". I just had to re-grip reality for the first time ever. It was then that I realized that I was experiencing heartbreak and it was as horrific as advertised. The same way a person who recently was injured in an accident would have to re-learn basic functions, so did I. Waking up, looking at my phone, going grocery shopping, and all of those things I did before with her in mind I had to learn how to do again. The best thing I did was admit that this road would be long and difficult but also that I could make it. My stubbornness to let go of what I once believed was true was the same stubbornness telling me I couldn't do without her. But once I made that connection, I knew it was only a matter of time. This is what I call the quiet after the storm. After everything is said and done, when it's just you and your thoughts and the pending decision of what to do now...it's a very uncomfortable calm. When it's calm, you just take things one step at a time, don't miss details, and responsibly reflect from time to time. I strongly advise against Facebook/Twitter rants, violent retalitation, and listening to Adele. Hopefully whoever's the one for me is worth the learning lesson. I'm going to trust my perception of fate on that one. -Jaxn Share this:TweetShare on...

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Veni Vidi Vici

Today I went through a bit of a workshop with a fellow photographer at my school. We just went down the street and bounced ideas and tips while playing around with our cameras. During my poses, I found myself recollecting on my 5 years here at Tuskegee. I thought about every practice I went to hurt just to sit on the bench on saturday to watch my teammates play, the times I thought I had friends just to find out they were enemies well hidden, the time I wanted to start my organization and people laughed at the thought. But then...I thought about the chance I finally got to play and how I started every game afterwards. I thought about how those "friends" from before eventually dropped out of school and are going nowhere fast in life. I also thought about how I not only started my own organization, but led it for 2 very successful years of campus events and community service. God has kept me like he said he would. Even when I blew my whole refund check on a camera I didn't know how to use, a year later I pay my bills from being my own boss. No one can credit my success to any SGA title or Greek letter organizational affiliation...from the ground up I made me. What's ironic is, not once did I have me as the priority. Everything I did for my teammates, my friends, my campus and community was completely selfless. I believe that's the key to any success. As long as your purpose is bigger than you, God will see you safely to it. With him by my side, Veni Vidi Vici. Not sure what it means, Google it. lol  -Jaxn Share this:TweetShare on...

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Mental Treadmill Pt.2

            I wouldn't say I'm a high profiled guy, but I think on some level I mean something to people. Unfortunately that goes both ways and one way more than the other at times. I see so many people every day and rarely do I get their honest thoughts of me when I meet them but rather a friendly hello or head nod. Even on a basic level, people are reluctant naturally to express how they really feel and it changes none the more serious the relationship. If I had a dime for everyone's kind words that didn't line up with their actions I'd be able to hire P. Diddy. I hate the type of people who only complain and act like life isn't supposed to happen to them too but some things I'll never understand. I feel like I was programmed with loyalty but the world is only compatible with fake and flaky systems. Sometimes you even have to question 'karma' like, God what did I do to deserve this? My life isn't in shambles but I'm growing increasingly impatient with niggas who call you "friend" in vain  and they come a dime a dozen. I learned a long time ago that no one will have your back 100% of the time, so you have to. It's just a cold way to live to refuse to trust but the other alternative is to play their game and mean nothing you say to them. Idk, just thinking in frustration to seldom finding people who hold loyalty in high regard or the fact that I can't sleep at night tryna be one of them so I can fit in. This mental treadmill was definitely needed.... -Jaxn Share this:TweetShare on...

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I want that_______ kind of love

  Yeah, I want that kind of love. It's hard enough being a black family in America, but try running the country while you're at it. I have nothing but admiration for these two. No man has any excuse to say he's "too busy" for his woman with President Barack always MAKING time for his family. Michelle is also a prime example on how to play her part while Barack handles his business as shown in the picture. She's not disturbing him or nagging him, but she's there encouraging him and posted in case he does need some assistance. Playing her part doesn't mean being a subordinate which is what we often get confused. I'm not saving the world like Obama but when I'm handling my own business I crave for those "Michelle" qualities.  At times when I'm playing too much or out of line, I still need that  kind of love. That, no matter how irrational I'm acting, she still loves me for me type of love. A good man is still a man. We mess up, speak without thinking, etc just like the next. I can't always be perfect but I want to be worth it to my lady. Martin was short, goofy, wasn't making a lot of money, but Gina put up with anything to hold her man down. Even though Martin had his ways, he still stayed true to his woman and that's the way it should be. They MADE it work no matter what. Yeah yeah yeah, it's just on tv but I'm crazy enough to believe it's still possible. -Jaxn Share this:TweetShare on...

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What He Won’t Do, Another Man Will

Hearing this phrase is like walking in a port-a-potty barefoot. Yeah it disgusts me. I guess it's supposed to put men in our "place" or show us how replaceable we are but it shows me a lot about a girls maturity or lack thereof when she says it. I say that because women are applying this thought to serious relationships as opposed to casual dates as it was meant to be. Why are you still shopping around for what another man will do? You're going to end up losing a good man trying to live your life by these Google quotes. The grass ain't always greener on the other side and this quote doesn't have to go home to that lonely bed once you find out, you do. Sure, if you're not looking for anything serious, keeping your options open, by all means point him the other direction when he doesn't meet your standards. But if you've got a good man, an "80%", this quote will send you chasing that 20% for the rest of your life. Yes I do consider myself a "catch" and like most, I have pretty high standards for the woman I'm looking to build my future with. As soon as she says this, I know her mind is still in a place I left mine years ago and it's time to keep it moving. Why you're with me can't be about what I "do" for you anyway, it should be about who I am and how that fits into your life. Watching these "reality" TV shows is slowly deteriorating our women's sense of what it takes to grow with someone. I know this doesn't apply to all women but there's a growing population of those who don't seem to know any better. For those who do, please break bread and be your sister's keeper. For me. -Jaxn Share this:TweetShare on...

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Brian McKnight new material: “Show You How Your Pussy Works” ?? o_O

So apparently our beloved Brian McKnight just posted a new video on youtube of his new song, "Ready to Learn" in which is chorus goes, "Let Me Show You How Your Pussy Works". Pretty Ricky has to be quite proud. It must be a tough economy when you hit music lovers with a low blow like that. Smh Somebody get Brian!!!!! I'll post a few links because people are posting the links left and right and taking them right down(for good reason). Good luck on one that works http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxgF0it2cfw http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4YVEiUq-L7w -Jaxn Share this:TweetShare on...

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