I No Longer Want to Be a Good, Strong Black Man.
Jan03

I No Longer Want to Be a Good, Strong Black Man.

By: @DerrickJaxn "Such a good, strong black man." (Insert smile and look of pride by loving family member or friend) I've always been humbled by those who'd call me that and still appreciative of the intentions behind it. I've even used the term myself without giving it much thought. But with recent event's cold cup of truth splashed directly into my eyes, I've realized that saying "good, strong black man" is just as destructive if not more so than the original N-word was. Have you ever heard of a good, strong white man or an educated white woman? Doubt it. Reason being, "white" without any other modifiers is generally accepted to be connoted with those things. On the flip side, why isn't black? If I have to modify the adjective to include educated, strong, "never been in no trouble", "with my sh*t together", what is it saying about just being default black? Dumb, weak, trouble-maker, worthless? And what is the difference between that and the original N-word? So when someone black gets killed, could that be the reason we have to verify the value of their lives with college degrees or intent on going to college, no criminal background, and vouchers from those close to them that they were good people? Trying to counter the notion that being black isn't synonymous with good qualities by listing them upon introducing yourself is to inadvertently condone and perpetuate that notion. I don't want to escape stereotypes, I want to do away with them. In the same way that as citizens we are innocent until proven guilty, as a black person, I want to be deserving of respect and appreciation until proven otherwise as well. It's going to take some time, but the reconditioning must start somewhere.We learned the current meaning of "black". Let's learn a new one. I am a black man. That, by itself, is more than good enough. -@DerrickJaxn Share this:TweetShare on...

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9 Definite Signs Your Man Does NOT Take You For Granted
Nov08

9 Definite Signs Your Man Does NOT Take You For Granted

Written by: @DerrickJaxn Your good man  understands that you don't want perfection, you want effort and he's never going to tell you that you're asking too much by requiring him to keep his promises that HE made when he was first trying to win your heart. He may not have all the answers but he's going to be with you trying to figure it out when he doesn't. As hard as good men are to find, they can be just as hard to recognize, but his actions will speak loud and clear that he's not like the others.         1. He Doesn't Fault You For What You've Been Through You've been hurt. So has he. So when you have trust issues, he doesn't try to make you feel guilty about them. He puts in the work it takes to earn your trust and separates himself from those in your past that way instead of just talking about how he's not them.       2.  He Prays for You Before He Prays for Himself Everything about him is selfless including his time with God. He's thinking of you and he takes the well-being of your soul so seriously, that he's already requesting your blessings and protection before his own. He Shows You Off Without Even Trying To No, I'm not just talking about on Instagram and Facebook. He's not trying to prove anything. I'm talking about in everything he does, he wants you there. He needs you by his side or things just don't feel right. And you don't have to beg or plead. You come up in every conversation with his boys, his family, and even complete strangers to the point they have to say, "Damn, you really love this woman huh?" His Plans With You Are Long Term, and He Speaks of a Future With You Often He doesn't run from the conversation on marriage, he starts it. He likes the idea of having children and playfully talks about what they might look like and possible names and proud moments he can't wait to have. With you. He'd Doesn't Put Himself In Compromising Situations With Other Women This seems tricky to the guy who's still young, but for any man; these situations scare him. He doesn't claim to be perfect or invincible, in fact he knows better. So he does whatever's necessary to keep himself from even being in a situation that may LOOK like something it shouldn't be. He Gets Aggravated by Not Being With You, Instead of Telling You He Needs To Get Away When he's out, he's texting you. Probably offending coworkers...

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Marriage Isn’t Good Enough
Nov02

Marriage Isn’t Good Enough

By: @DerrickJaxn In this ongoing gender war of who has the most relationship leverage, modern day women have started using their secret weapon, "husband privileges" to shift the power structure in their favor. They've cut off sex, hot meals, folded laundry, and other wifely "duties" until they get what they want, marriage. And that secret weapon is backfiring left and right because the triumphant feeling of signing the dotted line hid the fine print that told them "Marriage sold here. Healthy marriage and a man who's worth a damn is sold separately." Yes we want to leave room for an upgrade in our relationship, but the idea that the upgrade is synonymous with a particular relationship title is a set up. It's like trying to make a book into a better read by changing what's on the cover. Yeah it may be more appealing on your bookshelf, but it's still going to be a nightmare to try and get through. If giving him those husband privileges didn't change him into the man you deserved, neither will 10 years, three kids, 40 pounds, and a husband title. Ask the 52% of women who got married and ended up getting divorced. Many of them were just like you. They didn't like being used. They didn't like being strung along. And their parents, girlfriends, and exes stopped taking their relationship seriously after two years because they didn't see a ring on their finger. So just like you, they felt pressured to race to the altar behind the guise of "Know your worth" and "Don't praise boyfriends". And they ran their asses there like Forrest Gump himself, not knowing that their running partner saw a completely different finish line. That 52% doesn't even include the percent of women who stuck out their unhealthy marriage in misery because they didn't believe in divorce which ended up meaning they didn't believe in being respected, appreciated, or happy for the rest of their lives either. But there is hope. After all, pastor says that "A man who finds a wife finds a good thing". Which is cool, but I'm more concerned with what the man would do after he's found that good thing. I mean, when Europeans found Africa 500 years ago, they found a good thing and we all see what happened next. So what does that mean for you? It means you need to stop focusing on whether or not he's willing to drop down to one knee and start challenging him on what he's doing every day he stands on two feet. That wedding band can come off just as easily as that one girl's...

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My Anaconda DON’T!
Sep17

My Anaconda DON’T!

Written by @DerrickJaxn Nikki Minaj's Anaconda video set off a fire storm. Feminists were pissed, nuns were blushing, but most importantly, society's value of women just took yet another swerve in the wrong direction. But even before Nikki's video, Instagram ran rampant with the ass on the sink pose, the unsuspected walking away shot in leggings, and of course the yoga pants doing squats(without a drop of sweat). And men haven't made it any better. Our thirst-comments, likes, and shares when women do these obvious(or so I thought) things for attention are only positively reinforcing the idea that it's all good. But to those women who are doing them, I think it's necessary to share a few things to hopefully balance out the rest of the clutter because one day you'll realize it's more to life than a username and password. We're glad the woman we really want is just fine with being "boring". There's nothing wrong with a woman being physically sexy; there's everything wrong with a man who can't see anything past that. But your see-through(or hardly any) clothing reveals more than just your qualities as a woman. If you want to be out at every club, gawk over felons with blue eyes, and choose men based on the number of tattoos they have, do it. That's your prerogative. You seriously don't have to stay in the house all day eating bon bons to feel like you're being a phenomenal woman. But I've never met a man, me included, that's had intentions of anything long term with those types. If a man is a reflection of you with the way he carries himself, then the same goes vice versa. The same maturation and discipline you'd want out of your man to curb his enthusiasm with female friends and get his ass off the couch to go to work is the same thing your man would expect of you to know how friendly is too friendly and that getting sloppy drunk on the weekends is tacky. As for the woman with hardly any likes on her photos because it's just her in her graduation gown, or her sipping wine and watching Scandal, or maybe out with her elder family members at a spa; that's the woman a (good)man doesn't just come home to, he MAKES a home with. And  by no means should you shape your personality and lifestyle to the desires of men, but do be consistent in what you say you want(in a relationship), and what energy you're giving. We don't take you serious when you say, "What happened to getting to know someone first?" For most guys, there's a period in life where they're...

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Ain’t-Sh*t Brothers; Can We PLEASE Stop Blaming Women for Choosing Us???
Jul09

Ain’t-Sh*t Brothers; Can We PLEASE Stop Blaming Women for Choosing Us???

Written by: Derrick Jaxn Any time a man is being called out for treating his woman wrong, somewhere in the bushes is one of his fellow ain't-shit comrades, getting ready to defend him with some form of deflection. The latest trend is "But it's the woman's fault for choosing him in the first place". But let's be real. We don't walk up to a woman and hand her a pamphlet that lists all the bullshit we're getting ready to put her through. We don't have a sign on us that says, "I'm about to do everything I can to earn your trust just so I can break it." We do NOT advertise ourselves as liars, cheaters, fakes, deadbeats, and having no tangible goals. No, we approach a woman with a dollar and a dream and plead with her to believe in us. We use examples of other brothers who started from the bottom and just needed somebody to believe in them. We tell them who we used to be, but who we no longer are(even though we never really changed). We promise them that this time will be different. That she's different, and that all the special things in life happen when someone steps out on faith and gives "amazing"  a chance to come into fruition. We tell her that it's about much more than just sex because of course, "we can get sex from anywhere, anytime, from anyone these days". We then have sex with her and make it a reflection of her ability to trust as to whether or not we continue wearing a condom after the first time or even worse, it accidentally falls off. We swear that we're not going anywhere if for the slim chance a baby does come, you know, because our pull-out game is flawless. We never say how the moment she's pregnant, we're going to pretend it's her fault. How after all of the Jordans, Iphones, fake jewelry, video game consoles, and weed we were able to find money for, that we now are financially strapped for cash. But it's her fault for choosing us in the first place right? What if you go buy a car, but the moment you drive it off the lot, the engine blows? Was it your fault for choosing the car or was the dealer wrong for promoting it as brand new? What about when you go to the barbershop and your hairline is slanted? Was it your fault for choosing him or was he wrong for posting a picture of all the hair models on the wall and claiming he was capable of delivering...

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What Everyone’s Forgotten About Rihanna’s Dress Backlash
Jun06

What Everyone’s Forgotten About Rihanna’s Dress Backlash

Written by: @DerrickJaxn I recently posted a picture to my Facebook fan page citing Rihanna's confidence that many of us envy but regurgitate as hate, and the comment section that ensued did nothing short of prove me right. Every self-proclaimed phenomenal woman(and man) came crawling from under their rocks to air out their frustration in seeing Rihanna show up to such a classy event dressed in "whore attire"(direct quote). First off, I reject the notion of "whore attire", not only for the fact it further facilitates the misogynistic and rapist cultural ideal that "whores" have a certain look, but also because Monica Lewinsky was never seen by the public without being fully dressed in corporate attire. Go figure. Some of my favorite sentiments from the comments were, "That's not confidence, that's a lack of morals", "She's supposed to be a role model for young children" & my favorite, "Would you want your wife or daughter dressed like that?". Don't get me wrong, I love an engaging dialogue, but when I noticed the emotion permeating through the pores of those commenting, I realized just how much I overestimated the mental depth of our society. Case in point: Leader of the new school, Miss Marilyn Monroe. Marilyn did more riské things at a time when the world was much more conservative than it is now, yet she's revered to the highest degree as opposed to Rihanna who many have so eloquently labeled a "THOT".  Beyond the alleged sex tape with JF Kennedy, Marilyn Monroe earned much of her acclaim as a sex symbol by typecast roles as the "dumb blonde" and as we all know, posing (nude) for Playboy. And guess what? Your teenage sister or daughter will still take Marilyn's tumblr quotes over your life advice any day of the week. What's odd is that a lot of people will fight like Spartans to defend the legacy of Marilyn Monroe, yet slut-shame a Rihanna as if the two were any different. Now, this isn't a knock on either of these women. I, unlike many, believe it's possible to acknowledge and appreciate women who are conservative and exemplify what we've learned to be "class" while respecting a woman's freedom to do whatever the f^ck she feels. I could understand if Rihanna's dress contradicted her brand as a rebellious, do-whatever-whenever, sexy and daring songstress till the point we started quoting her as if she was Osho, but it doesn't. That very contradiction does however lie with the way we've admired Marilyn Monroe's legacy. If you're a fan of Marilyn, fine, but we need to stop seeing these Spades and calling them Clubs. "But she's a...

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