Written by: Derrick Jaxn
Any time a man is being called out for treating his woman wrong, somewhere in the bushes is one of his fellow ain't-shit comrades, getting ready to defend him with some form of deflection. The latest trend is "But it's the woman's fault for choosing him in the first place".
But let's be real.
We don't walk up to a woman and hand her a pamphlet that lists all the bullshit we're getting ready to put her through. We don't have a sign on us that says, "I'm about to do everything I can to earn your trust just so I can break it." We do NOT advertise ourselves as liars, cheaters, fakes, deadbeats, and having no tangible goals.
No, we approach a woman with a dollar and a dream and plead with her to believe in us. We use examples of other brothers who started from the bottom and just needed somebody to believe in them. We tell them who we used to be, but who we no longer are(even though we never really changed).
We promise them that this time will be different. That she's different, and that all the special things in life happen when someone steps out on faith and gives "amazing" a chance to come into fruition. We tell her that it's about much more than just sex because of course, "we can get sex from anywhere, anytime, from anyone these days". We then have sex with her and make it a reflection of her ability to trust as to whether or not we continue wearing a condom after the first time or even worse, it accidentally falls off.
We swear that we're not going anywhere if for the slim chance a baby does come, you know, because our pull-out game is flawless.
We never say how the moment she's pregnant, we're going to pretend it's her fault. How after all of the Jordans, Iphones, fake jewelry, video game consoles, and weed we were able to find money for, that we now are financially strapped for cash.
But it's her fault for choosing us in the first place right?
What if you go buy a car, but the moment you drive it off the lot, the engine blows? Was it your fault for choosing the car or was the dealer wrong for promoting it as brand new?
What about when you go to the barbershop and your hairline is slanted? Was it your fault for choosing him or was he wrong for posting a picture of all the hair models on the wall and claiming he was capable of delivering the same thing?
"But it's her fault for trusting too quickly"
This isn't 2005. A brother will wait out a 90 day rule then leave on the 91st before his zipper's all the way back closed. The whole idea that bullshit has an expiration date is the very reason so many women are wasting away their years now, patiently waiting for a man to prove himself with how long he waits before he proves who he really is. Yes, it's both people's responsiblity to build a solid foundation but no, it's never about how long you wait to trust. Rather it's what it is she's trusting in. And if a man is intentionally sending the wrong signals, it's 100% his fault.
I'm not here to excuse anyone for choosing based on the wrong qualifications. If a woman only dates a man based on superficial reasons and she gets emotionally
caught up in the process, that's on her. I know they are out there, living and dying by that same sword and their shallow standards end up becoming their own karma. No, I'm not defending them.
I'm much more concerned about the good women we are turning into scorned and bitter women because we were able to convince them we were different. The ones we continue to fault for having their guards too high and then attack when they finally choose to lower them. The ones we beg to give us a chance, will shame them for not seeing past our shortcomings, and then blame them for not adhering to all the red flags. Yes, the red flags WE waved.