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Featured Story:
“I Got The Clingies!”
Jon Doe Says:
Ok, I’m 38yrs old and have started talking to a much younger woman. We have established the fact the yes we are attracted to and like each other, but we agree that now is not the time for a serious relationship. She’s 4 mos out a relationship with another older guy, and I’m just getting back into dating again.. Problem is, IM CLINGY! We had a bit of a sour moment on Thursday, but we talked and I apologized. I said I’m going to fall back a bit and only texted her Sunday to say hi. She was cool and all.. I guess my question is how to stop being clingy and will I have a chance to redeem myself. Now she did say that she likes me and likes to be with me, bug the clingy was turns her off.. Is there any hope or am I panicking?? Help me out!!! LOL
My Reply: Well first off, I will say that it’s somewhat normal for men to be clingy even though we hate to admit it. Especially if you’re the type to love hard when you do find love so don’t feel bad about it but you have to manage it. This is one of those situations where practice makes perfect. For clingy people, dating only one person at a time isn’t wise. Since you’re used to an accute focus of your energy anyway, the last thing you need is one person at a time to give it to. You have to start dating other women and fast. If she’s not returning the “clingy-ness” then it’s all but attractive and there’s little to no hope it’s going to change. She may like you but come to the conclusion she doesn’t see herself with you, however your clingy ways will make it hard for her to tell you the truth. This is when you’ll get strung along for a long ride that only ends in a crash all because “She tried to tell you but just couldn’t because she didn’t want to hurt your feelings”. Fake it til you make it man, it works. Text her every few days. If she doesn’t text you first AT ALL…then it’s time to let it go. But DO explore other options. It’ll help ration out your attention and give you a better idea of how she compares to what you’re looking for. When you do this, there’ll eventually be a standout amongst the women you’re getting to know and that’s when you can unleash all the “clingy” to the woman who deserves it.
-Jaxn
I can appreciate you point of views; I share many of the same. I tried to access your photography site, but got a black screen. When will the site be available?
Hi Jennifer. I appreciate your ability t relate and effort to understand my point of views. I’m not quite sure why my photography site didn’t show for you. It doesn’t have the best mobile capabilities but did you try on a laptop? I just checked and it seems to be working fine, let me know if this helps.
Kind regards,
Derrick Jaxn
P.S. Please be on the lookout for a new website combining my blog, photography, and more.
Hello Derrick. I was wondering could you please friend me somewhere? Connect with me somewhere? I tried to find you on FB but, was unsuccessful. Thank you.
Hi and sure. My facebook link is http://www.facebook.com/JaxnClothingCo or search Derrick Jaxn
Nice Blog. This is my first time reading your articles (blogs). Looks like you been writing since April…. Who knew… Very informative and your writings allows people to look at things in a different perspective. Kudos.
Thank you so much!!!
Hello Derrick I would simply like to say that I think you are a GORGEOUS MAN!! Tell your parents they did a wonderful job!
Derrick, I really appreciate your suggestion for “Jon Doe” to continue to date, and MORE than just one woman at a time. This is a great strategy for someone who tends to put too much attention into ONE female. It’s been my experience that BOTH sexes typically RUN when they are dating someone who shows signs of being “clingy” or getting attached too quickly. It appears like there is this desperate sense of urgency to get things rolling, when in the beginning, you want to take your time when it comes to getting to know this new person. As for Jon Doe, if you are JUST GETTING BACK into dating again, I’d advise you get your feet wet a little before you jump head and heart first with the FIRST person you’re attracted to. All relationships start off in that “honey moon” phase and it FEELS good initially, so we tend to allow our emotions to control our behavior. If you know you have to work on NOT being clingy, spend some time building yourself up and realizing how much value YOU contribute to a relationship and get comfortable with rejection when it comes. Women are typically more emotional and expressive, and many ladies expect you to be more confident. Take your time to understand and overcome those emotions that cause you to be clingy. And Derrick, great advice and perspective on the proper way to handle situations like this
I just came across your website and found it very interesting and thought provoking. I would definitely say you are a black man that keeps it real and has his shit together. Your writings are very honest and have helped me take a real look into myself and what I want and how I am going to go about getting it and have confidence doing it. I really enjoy your photography also, but I find your writings more interesting and thought provoking as I previously mentioned. I will be making a real effort going forward to stay up to date on your writings. I think you have a lot to offer society whether it be in your photography/modeling or in your insightful writings. I am really glad I found your site and read your writings they have helped give me a better outlook on my future. I wish you all the luck in the future a person with your talent and insight will make it far. Keep it real and honest!
Thank you Robyn, I’ll be updating the website at minimum once a week but sometimes more often than that. Thank you for the love and I’m honored I could help.
I find your articles to be very informative. It is a way to look at situations in a whole new perspective.
Hi Stacey, I’m glad you like the site! I’ll be posting another soon so don’t stay gone too long
Gratzi Jax for “Keppin It rEAL” in a sometimes fake and unforgiving world..
~Peace~LuV~
CiNdi
I have really enjoy reading all of your articles as well but I didn’t agree with this one. I’m one that supports monogamy to the fullest. The woman deserves your all and vise versa. If that girl can’t appreciate u for u then, yes, move on. But to make a trait like that work for u by having “multiple” woman, isn’t the answer. U can indulge in a variety of hobbies other than dating. I had a man just like that, and he lost a good woman bc he felt he HAD to have someone there at all times. It isn’t all about the cat. Pick up the Bible, visit your kids or family, do some volunteer work. And the list goes on. But I wouldn’t risk hurting someone else’s feelings and contracting STD’s just bc I HAVE to have a woman around 24/7. It’s called, get a life! Sorry, a little harsh but this is my opinion, and I’m not disrespecting your view @ all. We all have our own thoughts and are entitled to them. Side note: U seem to be an amazing man. I’m really intrigued and looking forward to reading many more blogs from u. Thank u
Hi Lanequa, thank you for reading my blogs. I’m glad you enjoy them and I appreciate your feedback on this one also. I just want to point out a difference between what you point to as the problem and possibly the solution and what is actually the situation.
You make a case for monogamy “I’m one that supports monogamy to the fullest” and a solution of finding another hobby to fix the problem “U can indulge in a variety of hobbies other than dating.” This man’s problem isn’t that he wants women around all the time nor am I suggesting that is the solution. His problem is that he’s clingy, and what I’m suggesting is to explore the freedom of being single and being able to weigh his options until he finds one worthy of being monogamous with. Monogamy is meant for relationships and comes with a very strong emotional attachment when done honestly so I would never recommend that anyone start off strictly monogamous with a person they don’t even know yet. Dating isn’t a ‘hobby’, it’s a way of getting to know someone without the liability of a possible heartbreak. Something like a background check on a babysitter before you trust them with your children.
You also insinuate sex is involved when you say “It’s not all about the cat” and “contracting STD’s just bc I HAVE to have a woman around 24/7.” However, I did not, nor did he ever make mention of sex so that may be a personal connection to your own life that you imposed. You also insinuate that he may hurt her feelings with “I wouldn’t risk hurting someone else’s feelings”. What I’m suggesting to this man will actually minimize if not eliminate the feelings until the time and the woman is right for him. With honesty, the woman he’s dating and getting to know will be kept abreast of his intentions short term thus keeping her feelings out of it as well until further notice.
You make great points, but they’re hardly applicable to the actual situation but more so to your past in which it seems you made such a connection you no longer could separate. Again, thank you for reading and I’m honored to have you as a reader.
-Derrick Jaxn