A Man Has Done Nothing For You Until He Has Made You A Wife: Response.

Written by: Derrick Jaxn

I've been seeing this meme around for a while now and I did what I normally do when I see people saying whatever they can for brownie points. Kept it moving.

 

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But the last time I saw it, I realized it was giving desperate women Red Bull wings. They shouted hallelujah, ran up and down the aisles, and waved this in the face of the men who met them last week to prep him for the pressure coming if he didn't hurry up and pop the question.

 

So what exactly is going on in this meme? Lie now. Be honest later: that technique is a bullshitter's best friend. That's where you say something completely wrong but end it on a good note so the credibility and emotional high spreads to the rest of your argument and people forget to think about the entire message. Richard Nixon was famous for this.

 

Stop idolizing boyfriends. I'm good with that. You shouldn't idolize anyone; husbands, & pets included, so that's the more honest part of the quote.

 

But as for the part where desperate chicks do jumping jacks, A man has done nothing for you until he's made you a wife...

 

The courtship is where the foundation of a relationship is built, also said to be the most important. It's where a man proves his ability to love and support you with his actions and vice versa so why would a woman in her right mind reduce that to "nothing" in the name of getting a wedding ring?

 

There are boyfriends who've literally died for their girlfriends, so throwing relationships this far out of context is not only misguided, but likely to leave a woman without a husband for the rest of her life. Why? Because desperation is to men, what no job, bad credit, and an addiction to Call of Duty is to women. HUGE red flag.

The primary reason both good men and women leave relationships, is because of a lack of appreciation. So being brainless enough to run with this kind of mindset(in the meme) will end something that could be beautiful before it even gets a chance to start.

 

Real women know how to focus on the goal at hand while being grateful for the journey it takes to get there. When God sends you a husband, he's likely to start off as your boyfriend. Saying that he's done nothing for you is a huge slap in the face to both of them. So if a man has truly done nothing before you get to the altar, then you have no business giving him the honor of taking you there.

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Author: DerrickJaxn

Derrick Jaxn is a lifestyle blogger, motivational speaker, and author. He consistently delivers raw truth with a passion and can emotionally connect with anyone no matter how alone you thought you were. If you read it, there's a good chance he writes it, but you won't get it like this from anywhere else. Follow him on Twitter & Instagram @DerrickJaxn.

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19 Comments

  1. Wow, makes so much sense

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  2. It’s not just “desperate women” who say this. I’ve had men (who were complete strangers) tell me similar things so it’s not only women who are thinking like this. I get what you’re trying to say but it’s extremely demeaning when you make it look like women are desperate for marriage when society tells us that becoming a wife (and making babies) is all we’re good for.

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    • The meme doesn’t say a “a woman has done nothing for you until she’s made you a husband” so I referenced it accordingly. It’s not extremely demeaning, it’s extremely accurate. I’m not going to make things gender neutral just so people can’t come and try and pick things apart. You don’t get what I was meaning to say, you get what you were meaning to read. If you got what I was meaning to say you would see that I specified “desperate women” and even ended it referencing “Real” women so glossing over that tells me what your attentions are with this comment

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  3. This is up for interpretation. A good thing is a wife. Marriage is the ultimate form of love. To stand before God and declare your love for one another. While I don’t believe you should rush to the altar with someone you met last week, but I do believe that it should be the “goal” if you 2 have an established relationship. I think women just don’t want to be strung along.

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    • Nothing’s wrong with not wanting to be strung along. This meme simply justifies the emasculation of a man because he’s not your husband. It’s very extreme and dramatic so that’s what I was addressing.

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  4. I agree with you, Derrick. My boyfriend and I have been together for 1 year now and we are constantly criticized for not getting married. We have both been married before so we decided we were not going to rush it this time around. He has done more for me than my ex husband has ever done. It really makes me mad when people tell me that in order for our relationship to mean something, he has to make “an honest woman out of me.” Its just plain insulting. You should never judge the path another decides to take for you do not know why that path was chosen in the first place.

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  5. A Man Has Done Nothing For You Until He Makes You A Wife…Hey Girl Shame On Your Father.

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  6. I never interpreted that as emasculating to boyfriends at all. Yes it was extreme in saying “Nothing” and aiming it at ALL men but in my mind, I saw who it was fit for: Women who are satisfied being the sidechick because the sex is great and he takes her to Whataburger after; Women who are quieted down by cheaters and commitment-phobes with gifts and “I Love Yous;” Basically women who settle for less than just to be in a relationship in any way they can get it. Settling down these days seems like a foreign subject to most but I, for one, am not interested in just playing house, marriage is the goal. So to me it does not mean desperation on her part, nor emasculation on his, simply that a man has done you no great honor until he marries you

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    • Ok, “A man has done you no great honor until he marries you”, is still speaking to my point. If a man was not committed to you before marriage, why are you marrying him? And it doesn’t speak to a commitment phobe/cheater, etc. It broadly states “A man”. That means any man. A good man. An honest man. A hardworking man. He can be there for you when no one else was willing to listen, support you in everything you do, but if you haven’t gotten your ring then you shouldn’t respect it or appreciate it. That mentality is ungrateful at best and would scare good men away. If you need a ring to validate my love, then it was never love in the first place. Marriage starts in the heart not when you sign your papers.

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  7. @ Britney: Society is definitely NOT telling us that becoming a wife and making babies is all were good for. Society says quite the opposite: don’t get married (just mess around or sleep around or whatever you want, because it really doesn’t matter as long as you get yours). Don’t have [too many] children (they only complicate things and you should at least get your degree and career first because you will need to “find yourself”). It’s just a bit far from the truth to assert that today’s woman is being encouraged toward marriage and family. The very cornerstones of society, which are being rejected all together, or at least put off until it’s most “convenient” for women, ironically. Women who are rejoicing in their beautiful roles as wife and mother are few and far between.

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  8. So I recently broke up with my ex because of this very reason. Not that he didn’t do anything for me because he did plenty, but there were issues. We were together for 6 years he has no kids I have 3, neither of us has ever been married. My biggest issue that he wanted to make me his baby mama and not his wife. His biggest issue was he didn’t believe I was willing to bare him a child. He said plenty of times that he wanted to marry me but I felt like I was just being strung along. He was getting everything from me that a husband would and I can see how that was my fault. We didn’t even live together but he was at my house everyday to eat and sleep and when it was time to go he left. Same routine everyday and night except the weekends when we go out and he’d stay over but still routine. Was I wrong to end it or should I have gave it more time?

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    • The deciding factor wasn’t giving him husband treatment as many would have you believe. There are many healthy marriages today that transitioned from a relationship much like the marriage without the ring.

      The biggest difference was you two’s relationship goals. He pacified and stalled you with “I wanna marry you” but his actions said otherwise. Your goal was marriage, his wasn’t. It was only wrong that he didn’t come clean and let that be known earlier. You weren’t wrong for ending it but I’m curious to know if he gave valid efforts to keep things together. If not, then he wasn’t there for long term reasons in the first place.

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  9. Proverbs 18:22 NIV
    He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.

    I don’t think the MEME is extreme at all. It simply is what it is.

    The ultimate goal in dating seriously is to find true love and solidify your union. To be someone’s wife is a privilege and an honor as well to be a husband.

    Didn’t you say in previous post Mr Jaxn…”date with a purpose…or something to that nature?

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    • “A man has done nothing for you until he’s made you a wife”. You shouldn’t be “made” into a wife. That’s inherently misogynistic as if men have all the leverage as to when a woman is to get married. Remember when it used to be a question if she’d say yes or no?

      Please don’t misuse bible quotes to vouch for your own logic because I never said that marriage shouldn’t be the goal. That bible quote and this misguided meme have nothing in common besides the letters of the alphabet used to write them.

      My quote was “Date with a purpose, not with a pressure”. That’s the very opposite of emasculating a man because you’re too thirsty for a ring to acknowledge the good in him before you get it.

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  10. I’m not misusing bible quotes. I’m justifying the use of that quote and backing it up with what was taught to me growing up. You’re right, women should not be “made in to wives.” However, there is a sort of validation that comes with being someone’s wife versus just being their girlfriend or life partner. I will never forget my step father liked to have killed or hurt this auto mechanic really bad, for speaking to his wife (my mother) in certain tone. He said ” Man, that is my WIFE..my WIFE…do you understand me? Don’t ever disrespect her!”
    When You have reached the plateau of becoming a man’s wife, it’s a whole different ball game. It’s hard dating out here, with the games men and women both play.
    Who wants to date someone for years and years but never take that vow before GOD? Has nothing to do with a ring either. I would get married in a sheet, in the field with just him and I reading the bible to each other. Forget the materialistic stuff. I want to know that you trust me enough to be your wife, your lifelong companion, your forever confidante.
    Men and women will never agree on this topic so I digress.

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  11. I think a more properly constructed meme would read, “A man has not done enough for you unless he’s made you a wife.” The “a man has done nothing for you until he’s made you a wife” part sounds more dramatic, but shouldn’t be taken as literally. Of course women acknowledge the work men put in during the course of the relationship, and many are appreciative of that. But the problem is when men become too complacent with this relationship role, and refuse to take the relationship any further. There are a lot of good women out there who aren’t trying to trap a man by rushing them into marriage, but simply want that commitment (and who’s to say that they’re wrong for that?) A woman shouldn’t be made to feel guilty by requiring more out a relationship from her partner. If you know your worth and what you want from that relationship, there’s nothing wrong with making your intentions clear. It’s not about being desperate. It’s about valuing yourself enough not to settle.

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    • As a woman, id expect you to have that Pov, but I never said anything was wrong with working towards marriage. But you can’t misquote the meme to make it acceptable because women are in fact taking it literally and applying it to good men that haven’t married them. But won’t make a man any more committed than what he was beforehand. If it requires a ring for you to know that then you don’t trust him as much as you thought you did.

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  12. Well said. I have been guilty of reading these memes and only picking up on the key words before distributing it to every woman on my IG page. I won’t be doing that again lol thank you

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  13. I understand what you are saying. And the sad part about it is that most women wont understand until they go through a situation like this. I was one of those women. Pregnant with my boyfriend of one years baby and I already had twins from a previuos relationship. He was and still is my best friend. I am a preachers kid so I had everyone in my ear talking marriage and against shacking. However, we were young only 23 and this was his first kid. He was and still is to this day a great man : never cheats, always comes home at night, very honest and transparent. Yes, he has flaws but none of them outweigh his greatness. I pressured him about marriage. I really wanted to marry him and I honestly loved him but those werent my only reasons. I was afraid that I was going to be strung along and hurt like my previuos relationship. And now I know I really didnt trust him and he deserved all of my trust. Yes I could validate my pressure that I was putting on him with religion and verses. But nothing stood out to me more than when I started saying to him ” If you really loved me you would marry me.” He would get so offended and we would argue so much. But he never gave up on me, he never left me, never cheated on me, and on August 6,2012 he asked me to marry him. I didnt know what changed his mind but I didnt ask. I got consumed in being engaged and planning a wedding. We fought the whole time. We married this past April and it has been a struggle. Most of the struggle I put on him but the have alot to do with my trust issues that still linger from past situations. Not until recently have I started to understand what he was saying when he would say “Im going to marry you, but I want to be your husband and not husband material when I do.” All he wanted was time and I wouldnt give it to him. And he loved me so much that he m,arried me anyway and loves my twnis as his own. I say all that to say this : Just because he hasnt asked doesnt mean he isnt. Know your man before you marry him. Andif you truly know him then you should trust that he will marry you. Im not saying wait forever and settle. Im saying trust first and with your whole heart and soul. Pray and ask God to guide your relationship before you marry and you wont go wrong. Dont let society dictate you relationships. Every love story id different adn your is special because its yours. Thank you Mr.Jaxn for this I needed it and Im sure my husband thanks you to lol.

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