Friends With Benefits- The Best Alternative
Dec31

Friends With Benefits- The Best Alternative

So, your last relationship didn't work out. It happens. But during the relationship, your body got used to attention that it's having a hard time doing without. Only thing is, you've always been protective with your box and you have more respect for yourself than to give it up to just anybody. Still, not getting that sexual gratification drives you crazy. Why? Our bodies weren't designed to start having sex and stop before our biological clock said so. Christians would argue this is even more the reason to wait 'til marriage but in the name of fairness, let's just say you're not as perfect as the average Christian.  So you're simply not ready to get back into a relationship, not up for the challenge of celibacy, and your mama taught you better than to sleep around. What else is there? Friends with benefits. Most people only know the wrong way to do this and for that reason have been turned off from the idea. But there's 3 reasons why a Friends With Benefits-ship deserves consideration: 1. Keeps your dignity intact. 2. Not having overlapping partners significantly decreases your chances for STDs 3. Keeps you from making an appearance on Maury about who you are 1000% sure is your "baby daddy" Do understand that this shouldn't be preferred over a healthy relationship, but sometimes it can help ease the grace period between attempts at love. On the contrary, it can get sticky when feelings get involved, and when it's not revolved around complete honesty and openness. A Friends With Benefits-ship is only for the person who is planning on being single for a while, has a high sex drive, but still has too much self respect to have several partners at one time. So what's the "right" way to do this and enjoy the full benefits with little to no drawbacks? First,  get to know your potential friend with benefits. It's not ok to be complete strangers with someone you'll be sharing something so valuable with. Talk about where you're at in your life and make sure it's on the same page as his. This is critical because if he's in a relationship then it puts you in a compromising position. You really don't need the side chick drama and there's more fish in the sea, single fish. So after it's established that both of you are two people that are ok with being single for the moment then your next step is to.... Write him off as potential relationship material. If he seems to be the right guy but it's still the wrong time for you, then going any...

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Why Buy the Cow if You Can Get the Milk for Free?
Dec12

Why Buy the Cow if You Can Get the Milk for Free?

Recently, a post on www.stephanspeaks.com, a well-respected relationship expert's blog, caught my attention. What I got from it to roughly summarize is, "Guys want all the relationship perks without having to cut ourselves off from other women." Most of the women I've spoken with seem to have similar sentiments but thinking this way is misguided in many situations and will lose you what could be very special. Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free right? Well, if he's only in it for the milk, you're already dealt a losing hand. That's not a man you want to settle down with. The benefits of a relationship shouldn't be his motivation to be with you. His love for you should satisfy his emotional appetite for a woman, and physically sacrificing the pleasures of the outside world would be a small price to pay, one he'd be happy to. Again, this is speaking to the "good man" that loves you and not just what you do for him. This is the man who's already matured to a point of being able to settle down with just one woman. So if a good man has a good woman, there's only one reason why he's not settling down with you. Timing. Don't always try to press the issue to fancy the perfect plan you had for your love life. Amongst all the boys who come up with excuse after excuse for wanting their cake and eating it too, there are some very legitimate reasons for a man not wanting to settle down. For instance, good men are typically ambitious, great work ethic, and passionate about their goals. If he has a level of success he has to reach first before he can settle down in a relationship, then there's nothing you should do to stop that. Men are much more than just sexually driven beings and relationships take more than exclusivity to last. It takes a strong commitment of time, emotional , and physical investment; things that could impede on a path to success. Why lock you down in a relationship, all the while leaving you lonely at night in the event he's chasing his dream for days, weeks, or even months at a time. Does this mean the time spent with you and kind words from him are in vain? Absolutely not. If he's emotionally and physically drawn to you, of course he's going to act on it especially if it's mutual. That's human nature. So yes, he acts as if he's in a relationship, but doesn't want the expectations that come along with. While he has relationship feelings, he's...

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Hailed Then Nailed
Dec06

Hailed Then Nailed

Everyone wants to be a superstar. I mean what could possibly be better than living out your dream in front of huge crowds, making millions, and having the  time of your life? Well, I can think of a few things  because you can't just be a celebrity without owing the world something in return. In most cases, your personal life fits the bill. Sports analysts, news broadcasters, Windy Williams and the likes continue to sell the souls of celebrities for better ratings. I think we've forgotten that behind the images we're sold of the rich and famous are real humans. They eat, sleep, and hurt just like the rest of us. It's hilarious(as in sad) that we talk down about somebody and in the same breath say "Only God Can Judge Me".  We love giving a damn with no permission don't we? Let's not even get into who's casting the first stone, but why is it we're throwing them at the mirror? We'll yawn past every spectacular thing a talented black person does, but on the first and final strike, we're fake caring about somebody like that puts us in the VIP line through the pearly gates. Prime examples; Chris Brown and Chad (Ocho-Cinco) Johnson.  Both of them, black super stars, yet aggressors in domestic violence altercations. Now I don't condone that, outside of the most extreme circumstances(which I doubt was the case with either of them). I also have plenty of my own business to mind rather than borrowing theirs. It's nothing wrong with disagreeing or even hating the acts of these men, but to let these isolated events define and embody them both personally and professionally....is a little unfair. All for what? So we can feel not so bad about falling short of the success they've earned?  Or are we so brainwashed that when we see a black superstar, it doesn't make sense unless something  goes wrong? It's disturbing that when there's  any bias from us toward us, it's not in favor of our own. Everybody hated Chris Brown when it was the cool thing to do. Even though his career's resurrected with consecutive hit songs, a Grammy award and several nominations since the domestic altercation, he's still answering to the world of sinners for not being perfect. 4 years later, some of us are holding on to the burden of hate for the only rightful owner, Rihanna, who's long since let it go. Kanye said it best, "People never get the flowers while they can still smell 'em". If they do, it's not before we pluck the pedals leaving only the thorns. We force our stars...

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